Understanding What I Teach

For much of this quarter I have been praying to trust in God more. I need it in Isla Vista. It is expensive to live here and classes are not the easiest thing in the world. Plus there is so much pain and sadness that I feel continually weighed down by it all. I think that I have been doing better at trusting God, things previously killing me now bring me peace. Additionally, I have been speaking lately with a friend of mine about how when she teaches on something that is usually what God reminds her throughout the week. Well, this week I taught on faith in discipleship, and I think that now that I have been getting better at trusting God, I need to understand faith more. Faith goes so much deeper than people think it does. There are so many variables in my life right now. Yes, a part of it is trusting in God, but really, I just need faith right now, so much. I need to just put it all in God's hands and have faith that He will take care of it all. I think that a way that we understand things better is when we teach them. Many of my professors get a better understanding of their material when they are able to verbally process it in front of a class. Despite all of the unknowns (future, finances, relationships, bible studies in flux, the future of the movement), I know that Who my faith is in. My identity, in all of its totality, is that I am a child of the living God. Nothing else matters to me anymore, nothing can take that away from me. It costed a lot, but has already been paid for, and I did not have to pay for it. Sometimes it feels like I have to get out of my own life, out of my own skin, away from everything, and then I remember that my savior is always with me, always taking care of me, that it is no longer my shoulders that everything rests on, but His. He brings me peace, He makes my paths straight, it is because of Him that I can even live. Please Father, never leave me. I could never live without You.
Restaurant of the week: Pattaya Thai food. Great tasting food, and not far from IV.
IV peep(s) of the week: This one goes to the two girls strangely doing a fire dance in their front yard this past week. IV never ceases to amaze me.
Treats of the week: Just chocolate, toffee cupcakes with more than a couple frosting mishaps made for someone very special to me.
~Good Luck and Good Eats

Isla Vistan Advice

So, this has been a couple of long weeks. Good, just quite long. I think one of the most notable things that happened took place while I was talking with Pirate and another homeless man. We got, somehow, onto the topic of my future, and Pirate asked me what I plan on doing when I graduate. I told him that I am not really sure and he suggested real estate. I told him that I am not really sure about that, and then the other homeless man mentioned just taking life one day at a time. I think this is a good example of how I live my life. Everyday that I wake up is a new day. I mean, it is a pretty obvious statement, but one that generally most people ignore. I generally do not think very far into the future, nearly at all. I would not want to live that way though, but rather I enjoy far too much the notion that if I have a stomach ache, the next day is a new day. If I do well or poorly on a test, the next day is an entirely new day. No matter what happens, no matter how many regrets life throws at me or how poorly I sleep, tomorrow is still a brand new day. This can sometimes not be as good, like in the cases of days I enjoy so much, but ultimately it is a more refreshing concept than anything else. Tomorrow I plan on making cupcakes with a guy in my bible study I'm very excited for it. I have a slight stomach ache tonight, looking forward to that hopefully dissipating.
I will say that the most intriguing and refreshing part of this way of looking at life is God's grace. God's grace is new and refreshing everyday. Never does my sin linger, never does it stay with me. Never does my hurting and shame and guilt prevail, and God has new plans for me everyday. I am so very much more thankful than God's grace than for anything and everything else. It is everything and nothing else means so much to me as God' grace and loving kindness that renews everyday. I honestly cannot believe it because it definitely seems too good to be true. But, it is not. He renews and restores my soul every morning and I cannot properly describe what that means for me. Thank you, my father.
~Good Luck and Good Eats

Learning Difficulty

This has been a tough quarter for me. I guess tough is a relative term, but relative to my last fall quarter, this has been tough. In almost every aspect this quarter is significantly more difficult than the last; academically, financially, spiritually, socially, all of it is much more difficult this quarter. Even trying to deal with people that I used to Love so much is hard. I've been wondering what to make of it all, what to do with the info that this quarter is so much harder. Last year I grew a lot, as a man, as a child of the king, as an individual, as a human being. However, it was not growth through difficulty, as most people understand as the only kind of growth. Life was easier, I had more time and more energy to devote to what I wanted and overall I feel that there were much fewer worries clogging and clawing my head. This year my absurd financial troubles, combined with spiritual attacks and other such things make that type of growth just impossible. Life is just harder. Period. However, there are other types of growth. A man who experiences the death of his spouse grows in that mourning just as he grows on their honeymoon. This quarter I am still growing, but in a different way, in a way that plays off of the struggles and trials of this quarter. I simply keep reminding myself that it is only a ten week quarter and next quarter is an entirely different animal, but I cannot escape the feeling of being trapped and pinned down by all of these hardships, however hard or soft they may be. I am only surviving by reminding myself of two very simple yet profound truths: that God provides for his children, and that He will still grow me, even in the pain and the difficulty. So yeah, I do wish that this quarter was like the last one, not without its own worries, but simpler, less trying worries, instead of being difficult, but just as with anything it comes down to reminding myself of why I do it all, why I even live. Him, it is about Him. Not about my struggles or hardships which are so easy for Him, but about bringing Him the utmost glory. That I can do no matter the circumstance.
Treats of the week: Fried bananas today, brownies last wednesday.
~Good Luck and Good Eats

Haunted Hangover

Halloween was last weekend. Well, actually it was last Monday, but IV always makes it into a weekend. Plenty of out of towners were here, Freebirds made wayy too much money, and my housemate threw up in his bed. It was smaller than last year, by many accounts not much bigger than a normal Friday night, just less clothing. Afterward, specifically on Tuesday, I was walking home with a friend and Isla Vista was strangely silent. I noted to him how uncanny it was and how it could only be because of the massive halloween hangover that IV must be collectively feeling. An epic weekend come, and gone. And what is IV, the people, the business, the physical place, left with that it has before? Regret maybe, perhaps an enjoyable weekend of memories. I guess that the ultimate answer to the question is simply nothing. An entire weekend that this quarter has been building to in IV is passed and IV is no greater than it was. I think understanding this would be to the great benefit of the people here. They go out every weekend, thirsting for something so much deeper than this place can offer them weekend in, weekend out, trying to fill an infinite void with things that are finite instead of eternal. They are empty, and cannot be filled by what they want, but only by what their souls really long for. Or rather, who their souls really long for. I am thirsty, just like they are, probably more so, panting like a dog tired from catching frisbees, unable to find anything that will fill my thirst. Until I find Him. His blood has satisfied me because it traded places with me. He willingly took my place, up on a cross, bleeding, beaten, bruised, bashed, but all the time, donating to me, His pure, righteousness. I guess this post turned more into a digression on what I wish the lovely, and they are nothing else, people of Isla Vista really truly understood, what I wish that they would just give a chance to at least. IV needs to experience true life, to the fullest.
Restaurant of the Week: Cody's Cafe, on hollister. I was able to get an omlet, with extra pork verde sauce, hashbrowns, and biscuits and gravy for 9 dollars. My kind of meal most definitely.
Treats of the Week: Peanut-butter snickers brownies, pumpkin cream cheese chocolate chip muffins, and some strawberry white chocolate chip cookies.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody

Heartache

People say that I have a big heart. One guy even calls me the man with the big heart. Up until now I've always wondered if they're right. Sure, I Love people a lot, but is my heart really big. This year, I have seen confirmation though that my heart is indeed large. This entire quarter my heart has been restless, uneasy. Something has felt wrong but I have been unable to pin it down, down. Tonight while on my way back from an unsuccessful prayer trip to the beach (the tide was too high to actually go down), and I encountered two homeless guys. I Love homeless people, understand, and I have been meeting and hanging with a lot of them so far this year. Usually I talk with them for a bit, maybe give them a few dollars, what I have in my wallet, and carry on with a few words of prayer for them. Tonight's encounter was pretty different. I talked with Q-Tip and his friend for a bit, but I had no money to give them. At one point Q-Tip looked me in the eyes and spoke to me directly about how he knows he is going to die from alcohol poisoning but just does not care. The conversation ended shortly thereafter with them moving to a spot more convenient to panhandle. As I walked away my eyes teared up; I cried out to God asking Him why there are so many people unhappy, in pain, and hurting. My heart absolutely breaks for Q-Tip, it breaks for all the homeless, but it is not just them. Whenever I walk by two people fighting my heart sinks a little bit. All of the pain around me literally seeps into my heart. I have a deep, compassionate heart and all of the pain in this world affects me so deeply. I know that I was built with this heart, these desires to see laughter, joy, peace as opposed to hurt feelings, unhappy thoughts for a reason, but right now all I can feel is all of the unhappiness in this world and how it can go on.
I do not really know where I'm going with this, except to say that now I have seen the negatives of a huge heart. Rather, I've felt it. What's more, I've felt so much guilt over my inability to help this world. I have such a deep compassion and empathy and my desire to help people and make them feel better, but seeing them still hurting, all of it is too much for me to bear. This world is empty, and I can literally feel the sorrow.
This blog is not meant to end happy, there are no treats of the week. The only appropriate is to ask you to pray. I don't really care who your God is, Jesus, Shiva, Zeus, yourself, just pray for all of the sadness and unobtainable pain in this world. If you don't care about it, then do it for me, to ease the pain that was born in this world and parked itself in my heart.

Getting Away

I have not posted in a couple of weeks, because my weeks and weekends have been crazy. I have been out of IV the past couple weekends. My weeks also were quite busy, and I suppose that my head was just in a different place because I feel like my head is finally at peace an in line with the rest of me. Two weekends ago I visited some friends from summer project up in Chico, somewhere I had never been before. It was quite the experience, undoubtedly good to see some friends that I had not seen in a while and experience some of a place that I had never before been to. I also got there and back by taking two busses and a train, and did not ever really feel totally healthy the entire time. I met a crazy Russian and a talkative Afghan at the bus stop. I ate dinner at the sketchiest liquor store because it was close to the bus stop. I saw the Sharks stadium, even though I am not a hockey fan. I took an overnight bus that had a 2am stop at a McDonalds. It was one heck of a weekend that would require an entire post and a half itself, and it was definitely an adventure that took me out of my comfort zone.
Then this last weekend was Real Life's fall retreat up in the hills of Slo at a campground surrounded by God's beauty. It was not that I necessarily had high expectations for the retreat, I just wanted to see God show up big and do His thing, unifying and bonding people together in a way that even the most well-planned professional retreat cannot. He did. I saw a community turned into a family. I saw a man violently vomit black cherry soda and spam. I saw a building full of people in reverent worship of God. I saw a family devoted to cooking us good food. I saw even more friends from my summer. I saw new friendships spring up. Ultimately, this weekend was one that saw a family form and brought people on the outskirts, people hurting and lost, into a family longing to welcome them in.
Yes, these were a couple of crazy weekends, and that does not even speak to how my weeks have been. This time away has taught me many things, and one of the most major things that sticks out to me is how very blessed I am. I have people all over the state who want to see me. I have a community here who loves me and looks to me. I have a life that I actually enjoy, because of the grace of God. He makes all of this possible. He puts my fears to rest. He reminds me that it is about Him and He will take care of little old me. I'm simply a vessel.
IV Peep of the week: I think this one goes to the guy walking to campus with an earbud in each ear and a yo-yo in each hand. Quite the sight.
Treats of the week: I haven't had a ton of time to bake recently, but I did make homemade baked mac and cheese, a couple batches of oreo cheesecake cookies, and banana chocolate chip muffins.
Restaurant of the week: Mo's up in Slo. Delicious bbq with four different types of bbq sauces. It was a sauce boss.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody

Swiftness of Change

I've been meaning to write on this for a while, but it has definitely been reinforced to me lately. I have noticed it in abundance lately, how quickly time brings change to things. It happens with many things, almost everything as a matter of fact, and it really just blows me away. It makes the ground more shaky and everything around me seem far less stable. At this time last year I could not tell up from down in a kitchen; now I am considered to know my way around. This time last year I lived with eight other guys; now I live with less than half of that. Two months ago I was in Glendora; three months ago I was in Santa Monica. Soon I will be done with school. All that happens so fast, but even in the little things change comes like a fierce storm. People come and go from jobs like nothing. Businesses pop in and out of Isla Vista like candy canes at Christmas. Even the days themselves seem not to want to stick around for very long. I know it may seem like all of this is obvious or as they say in my area of study, apriori knowable, it is worth stating because of the severity of the truth of it. Last week I had a class that I do not have this week. All of these things just change so quickly.
It all makes me wonder what the solution to it is, what can give life its meaning and purpose again, when change blurs that notion? The answer is a simple, three-letter word: GOD. God's all-loving, never-ending character is so peaceful given it all. His assurance of always being there for me is what I have to hold on to. It gives me peace and rest, and without it the whirlwind of change would seemingly push me to a place I don't want to be. Now I am left with just one sentiment: gladness.
IV Peep of the week: I have to use this as a shout-out to the homeless people that I have been hanging out with in IV: Q-tip, richard, carrie, goofy, and pirate.
Treats of the week: Just a cobbler and a pizookie, not much else but more to come this week.
~Good Luck and Good Eats.