I started work this week. It is now October. Costco already has Christmas trees. All signs point to summer being increasingly a memory. But, I find it appropriate to sit down and take some time to think through what this summer did for me. So, here are my summer thoughts.
Feeling Unlike a Failure:
I set out this summer with the intention of raising support to intern with Cru at UCSB. It did not happen: my support did not fully come in and my God led me in a different direction. It's weird to think back on it as support raising now seems like such a distant memory, but believe it or not, despite not even getting halfway to my goal, I do not feel like a failure. I know that God brought me through the season through a very particular set of reasons, and I am so thankful that I did. I feel unlike a failure.
Why?:
That is a question that I was essentially forced to ponder this summer-why? Why would God take me through a season of support raising, only to inform me that interning was not what He had for me. Why did He not keep me in Santa Barabara so that I could get a job and make money? The answer is multi-fold. I did not realize that there were blatant parts of my heart that I was withholding from my Lord. Staying in SB, I never would have come to this realization, but it was in going to a city that I was not particularly fond of, forced to be always around people who did not think of me in the way people in SB do, without anyone daily keeping me accountable, going to a city where sin, not serving God was the norm, and the latter almost seemed foreign. It was in all of that that I realized I was not on fire for my King. No, my heart was actually rather far from Him, and it took a summer of confusion, difficult choices, perpetual sin, at times loneliness, and not really doing what I was supposed to to help me see it. Two months later I felt as though the sheath had been lifted from my eyes and I could really finally see what giving God all of me regardless of circumstance or situation looks like a lot better. I am still learning but I know much more what it looks like now. That is why.
New Friends:
It's odd, but one of the brightest spots about my summer was the acquisition of new friends. People that I did not expect but whom God nonetheless used to impact my life in such a huge way this summer. One in particular I call bloodbath (it's from a movie, not as creepy as it sounds). He became like a brother to me this summer, and I did not expect to find someone with whom I had so many of the same interests at with whom I thought so similarly. He reminded me of what mutually, intentionally pursuing someone looks like. I am honestly not sure if I will ever live with him again, but I nonetheless consider him a brother because of the intentionality with which he was my friend, even when our worldviews are so different. I miss him.
Oldies:
Another bright spot was a weekly prayer meeting that I went to at my church with about 7ish other elderly people to pray and intercede for people in the church together. I saw what it was to unquestionably believe on God and love Him and trust Him. To just take for granted, in the best way, His presence, faithfulness, and existence. Surrounded by young people who often have trouble believing it was very refreshing to pray with these pillars who prayed to a God they believed on like their own lives. I will miss that prayer meeting.
Straining Towards what is Ahead:
After a long, difficult, joyful summer my opinion of the definitions of 'good' and 'bad' have changed. It was only a bad summer in the sense that it was hard, but it was great in the sense that God taught me very important lessons. I have grown more over the past four months than over the previous 12, and it was through difficulty. Now, I am more joyful than I have been in a very long time, straining toward what God has in store for me in the coming months, ripe with anticipation and excitement. Traditional struggles are not for sure gone, but my mindset and attitude has completely changed in the best way. More updates to come soon.
Summer Thank-Yous:
Thank you to Sandra Parker for opening up your home to me and allowing me to stay there and feel very much part of the family. I appreciate it more than I could ever say.
Thank you to Mike Medieros for believing in me to the point of going out of your way to support me.
Thank you to Tyler French and Greg Leech for being one of the few peers I feel like I had this summer who pursued me and with whom I felt exceptionally comfortable.
Thank you Sarah Fullham for showing me through your blog what a ripe love for Jesus looks like.
Thank you to my sister Courtney for more than I could ever say. I love you.
Thank you to the many who enjoyed a meal or sat down and talked with me this summer-Eric S., J-Flo, Andy Martin, Mr. and Mrs. Leech, Rob Lee, and a few others.
Thank you to Lex Darko for always being generous and showing that you still care about me and my family.
And thank you to the readers of my blog through the summer, I hope that this post was a good wrap-up for you, and I ensure you that there is more to come.
~Good Luck and Good Eats
