Thursday Post-Caught in the Act

They dragged me through the sand. I have been caught in the act after all.
"We are taking you to be punished," they said, "taking you to the temple courts." "We are taking you to the teacher," they said with a snicker, "he will decide what to do." What to do, that is what got me here in the first place. I am an unwed mother, a result of past sin. No man has been willing to marry me because of my modest complexion. What am I to do for money, how can I provide for my daughter? The man said he would take care of me, said he would marry if only I gave him myself first. And then they came in; I do not know how they knew it was going on. They tore me off of him, still barely clothed.
Now my way out is gone. I know it was sin, but what else am I to do? I hope my daughter is ok. They drag me through the temple courts; I look at the stones in their hands and the anxious look in their eyes, this is not a matter of justice for them, not a matter of punishing me, there is something deeper going on here. They desperately want to throw those stones, as the law says, but not because the law says, I think it is more about gratifying their own sinful natures. I have been weeping bitterly ever since they grabbed me and began to drag me here, weeping because of the shame that I will forever carry now, weeping because of those eyes that I can feel on me, those judging eyes.
They throw me down, still weeping, my body as exposed as my sin, in front of the teacher. I pray to a God who has probably stopped listening to me because of my sin, that this teacher is compassionate. I'm lying here in front of him, as I hear them say the words I have been so dreading.
"Teacher! This woman has been caught in adultery. The Law of Moses says we stone such women. What do you say?" Their words pierce my ears and reverberate around in my head, as I wait for the response of the teacher. Their words are like the venom of vipers. I do not hear the teacher say a word, and I sheepishly lift my head up to see Him bent down, writing something in the sand with his finger. I wonder what it is he is writing, but my tears and the running makeup blur my vision. They press on.
"What should we do, Teacher? Tell us! Do we stone her?" Again I wait, only this time he stands up.
"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." His words are different, they are kind, soft yet bold, gentle yet direct. I do not want to turn and look to see what their response is; the temple is crowded because so many people came to listen to the teacher. I feel so broken and ashamed. I hear a stone hit the ground, and I hope that it is one of them leaving and not one of them missing. I hear more hit the ground and footsteps leaving as my heart grows more and more hopeful. After a few minutes that seem like a few hours I look up.
The teacher is bent down, finishing whatever he started in the sand before. He extends a hand to me, silently offering to help me up. Wiping away mud and mascara I take his offer and stand up. His gentle smile is like honey from the sweetest honeycomb to my soul.
"Woman, where have they gone? Does no one condemn you?" Although I do not want to turn and look, I do, and to my heart's delight every one of them has left, leaving only a large pile of thankfully unused stones. I turn quickly around to answer the teacher.
"No one, sir."
"Then neither do I condemn you. Go now, and leave your life of sin." Once the last word escapes his tongue, so much pain leaves me. All that nervousness, the pain and shamefulness, all of it is gone. The teacher has freed me from it all. I was caught in the act, condemned to die, emotionally chained, and stigmaed, and now I feel only peace and freedom. My despair and pain has turned to delight and dancing. I have to go tell everyone. You have to go tell everyone. I have been set free!

The Start of Something New

Yesterday was Easter, the day that all things were made new. Today is a new day, and in a large way it feels like it is the start of something new. It is officially phase 2 of the quarter-I usually break the quarter down into three different phases, phase 1 is weeks 1-4, where the quarter is still new, midterms are not in full swing yet and people are still having fun, phase 2 is weeks 5-8, the oh crap this college stuff is hard part of the quarter, and phase 3 is weeks 9-to the end, the time to buckle down and have no social life part of the quarter. That means today is the first official day of phase 2. There are some things that I really need to do this phase (Declare!, start support raising, take care of fin aid, write a few papers). But overall this new phase just feels new. I noticed it last night as I was putting phase 2 to bed, this really does feel like something new. There are a few things I will be looking forward to this phase (A week from today, more baking, more blogging). My body doesn't feel new, I am more sick today than I have been in a long time, and my shoulders are a bit burned from this past weekend playing volleyball, but my mind and my spirit feel to a large degree free and refreshed and ready to do things that I have been putting off until phase 2 started. The day after all things became new, the start of a new phase with a new energy and a new desire all embody me. I feel like many many distractions have been lifted and my head is now clear. I Love this feeling. I know that God loves me so much and has my best interests at heart and it feels great being reinvigorated. I also decided to start a new weekly post the format of which will be a surprise until Thursday, but it is something that you do not want to miss.
IV peep of the week: Saw a guy riding a unicycle while holding a boombox that was playing reggae music. My favorite IV peep of the week.
Restaurant of the week: I hart Seoul food. Loved the Korean food I got there and the food wasn't overly priced. I still want to try their burritos though.
Treats of the week: I went cookie crazy this past week, making Peanut Butter, marshmallow, chocolate-pudding cookies that were to die for on wednesday, oreo truffle-stuffed chocolate chip cookies on wednesday, and oreo cheesecake cookies on saturday. I was a busy baker again last week. Love you all.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody

State of the Blogger Address

This is my first ever state of the blogger address. I figure Easter is a good time as all things have been made new today. Basically I just wanted to use this space to inform you all of where I am at. I write a little about myself in each post, but this is more personal and intimate, an exercise in vulnerability. So, here goes.
It's Easter 2011, and this is undeniably the most unique Easter of my life. I am experiencing a lot of firsts and mosts in my life right now. I am more vocal about my faith and it is more real to me than ever before. This is the first time in my life that I can classify myself as a decent cook and a good baker. It's also the first time in my life that I am considering taking a break from what I am good at-baking. Ask me in person if you want to know why I am thinking about that. This is the first time in my life that I consider myself having a really good community of Christian brothers and sisters, and non-christian friends, that I really love and am thankful for. I am easily more confident now than I have been ever before in my life.
I legitimately feel like an adult right now, something that I would not have been able to say any other easter. I am in such a beautiful place, that makes it so easy to love life and love people, which I do at a higher clip than ever before. I see things more differently than I have on any other easter, but I could probably say that any other easter. I am less reliant on other things, like people's opinions and other things that usually I desire and cling to and instead I just want to find my all in all in God.
My Biggest peace right now: God. Especially right now, how can I say anything else? He consistently gives me peace and proves himself again and again.
My biggest struggle right now: Friendships. It's a weird thing to say I struggle with, but I have an unquenchable desire to know people more. I am jealous, of people's relationships and friendships and right now, although I know that I should not, I should be able to find my completeness in God, I do. My desire to know people more than I do is infuriating because it makes me feel like I am not good enough or perhaps that there is something wrong with me that people cannot talk more with me, or perhaps just do not. I Love getting to know people, who they are and the depths of them, yet for some reason I do not. And for that, I am regretful and apologetic.
Ultimately my biggest point in this address is that I hope my overly-analytical nature will recede a bit and the part of me that is a servant and relies completely on God wins out. Isla Vista Chocolate will inevitably be kept up weekly, and if you are reading this I want you to know that I Love you a lot and I want to get to know you more and serve and Love you as best I can.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody

Good Friday Post-Peter

What went through your head, Peter? What did you think when the Teacher told you that you would deny him three times? Did you scoff? Did you laugh? Surely you thought this was another parable or that He was once again not speaking straightforwardly.
What did you think as they dragged him off? What thoughts went through your head as you saw the ear of the high priest's servant fall to the ground by your sword, and promptly get reattached? What could you think as they dragged him off? Did you talk with John about what was happening, or any of the others? Did you judge Judas, mocking him on the inside as he cursed himself?
What did you think, Peter, when that servant girl questioned you, when she asked you if you were with Him? Did you give it a second thought? Were you confused by the commotion? Did you fear death? What thought did you think when that rooster crowed the first time, giving you fair warning? And how much did you hate yourself after it crowed a second? After following the King of Kings for three years, seeing the deafs' hearing restored and seeing dead men walk, hearing all that he said and personally seeing His Love displayed, even seeing him transfigured, after it all, how much did you hate yourself? How big was the pile of tears afterward?
What went through your head, Peter, as He was crushed? Did you understand that He did it for you, for Judas, for me? Did you understand that He could have come down? Did you feel disheartened? Broken? Guilty? Shameful? Did you feel like turning your face, like not looking because of what had just happened? How worthless did you feel, Peter, as you looked at that crown of thorns, on the head of the man whom you had just denied three times?
Peter, what did you feel on Saturday? Was the world crumbling down on you? Did you mourn? Surely you wept. Did you speak with anyone, or did you feel far too shameful? Did you understand the gravity of the previous night's events? Were you mad at Jesus? At Ciaphas? At God? At yourself? How did you sleep that night? Did you walk by the sea and look at your old boat, wondering if it was all worth it? Did you think He would return? Did you feel abandoned by the Healer? By yourself?
When you saw His face the next day Peter, when you saw the holes in His flesh, did you see forgiveness? Did you weep at His feet? Did He lift you up gently? Did your heart sink when you saw Him, not yet having a complete understanding of forgiveness, grace? Did He tell you why He did it, or did you figure it out? Did you still feel guilty, or did His perfect Grace overwhelm you? Did you finally realize how God sees you? Did you understand what all the weekend meant? Did you realize just how sinful you are, that you are no better than Judas, than Ciaphas? But did you see the face of Grace and understand that it is finished? That sin has been defeated and death conquered? Did you finally understand that God freed you and Loves you unconditionally, and that you are now identified with Him and not with your filthy sin, and that you have been given a new life, a second chance, a robe of righteousness, a suit of armor, even though you are so totally undeserving and did nothing to earn it?
Did you feel this way, after you betrayed the one who so Loved you? Because if you did, we have something in common.
~Cody

Pain, Nerves, and Dust in the Wind

They're doing an unbelievable amount of construction in IV right now, narrowing streets, bisecting streets, and generally making all the IV patrons' lives more difficult and irritating. Because of that, there has been a ton of dust in the air. A lot more so than should be considering we live right next to the beach. I suppose it is not something I should really complain about, but whatever, I am blogging after all.
At the same time, I have been in a lot of pain for a lot of different reasons this week. At various points throughout the week, my hand, finger, foot, ankle, back, and shins have been in great pain. And considering my run-in with stomach pains earlier this quarter, this has been a very physically painful quarter so far. Again, probably something that I should not be complaining about, it is just an interesting set of circumstances. I feel like I live in the Wild-West with all the dust in the air. Now, there's no denying that this weekend featured super beautiful weather, but the dust was still quite the nuisance.
At the same time as all this there was an event that happened this week which made me very nervous. I am not going to say what it was, but I was more nervous at that point than I have been in a really long time. My hands were very shaky, even more so than usual. I'm glad that that event is over with but it was definitely worth it.
All this craziness happening and all these events whose sole purpose it seemed was to solely make me less joyful, it did the complete opposite. I felt so joyful this weekend, and this past week, despite all the madness. I've been delivered from all of the madness and pain and, even though I might deal with it seemingly nonstop, God delivers me from all of that and allows me to be joyful despite it all. I Love Him who first Loved me. I'm excited for what this week of Isla Vista Chocolate looks like.
Treats of the week: I was a busy baker, first started the week with a batch of brownie-stuffed cookies, and brownies. Later I made strawberry and cream muffins which were quite delicious, and later made blueberry chocolate chip muffins. Quite unique. I've gone a bit cookie crazy lately, and I have a feeling that that is not stopping anytime soon.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody

Sharing Change

It's Tuesday in IV. Sharing change has many different meanings in IV, some more explicit than others, the most notable of which would be the unusually large population of homeless people in IV that frequently ask people for change. Typically they are ignored or shooed to the side, but once in a while uncanny compassion will strike a soul and they will do the unthinkable: share change. It may be bills instead of change, but for the purpose of this blog I will call it change. Some homeless people go so far as to adopt identities to try extract more shared change from people (see dp pirate). I once saw an interview with a couple IV homeless for a soc project that some kids did, and one of them said that the only reason anyone in IV should go hungry is laziness, which implies that pity metamorphosises into compassion more often than I pessimistically give IV patrons credit for. Sharing Change has another meaning in IV and that has more to do with the large amount of constant change seen and shared. Change is shared amongst housemates what with constantly shifting attitudes and residencies, as well as with IV as a whole, constantly sharing change with the large amount of new residents constantly coming and going. IV is always changing is the point that I am trying to get at. Even the restaurants and businesses share change, constantly moving in and out. One of the few retail places in IV just recently announced that they are closing. Case in point. It's just an interesting phenomenon in IV, the duality of shared change amongst not only those without places to rest their heads at night, and those that pay through the nose for the right to do so. Both share change, though for the latter, the change is much more drastic and far-reaching.
I myself have been noticing the vast change network in IV and in my own life, and how crazy it is. IV is a place that undoubtedly changes people, as I have noted before. We all just accept it and share this change with one another under the often false, but once in a miraculous while true notion that we have changed for the better. Even Isla Vista Chocolate changes.
Treats of the week: Just white chocolate, cinnamon toast crunch cookies. They were delicious, but I was incapacitated for part of the week, and left IV last weekend, so I was restricted in time.
Good Luck and Good Eats.
~Cody

The Italian-Indian War

I had one of the worst nights of my life last night. I guess it started around 2:30, going to naan stop with Jordan Marshall who told me that he had gotten food poising from there before, but assured me that it was "just a one-time thing." About two-three hours later I find myself at woodstocks, and it's free pizza so I of course partake. Zoom forward to about 8:30, when I start feeling a sharp, very sharp pain in my stomach. It felt like the scene from alien, where the alien jumps out of the guy's stomach. It's hard to properly describe how much pain I was in; it was crippling. It also left me feeling very weak. The pain, still unexplained however many hours later, masked the feeling of nauseous food poising that would have otherwise informed me about the war going on in my stomach between the naan stop and the woodstock's pizza. I tried to sleep, but to no avail, the pain was too great. I remember the beginning of the night, although I could hardly move from the pain, my wonderful housemates were also up, on Web MD and using their own experiences to try and offer some advice on what was going on. Around 2:00 the naan stop came out of me the same way it came in, through the mouth. I was expecting the pain to dissipate after I threw-up all the infected naan, but it didn't; I was still in pain so great it prevented me from sleeping. One by one my housemates went to bed while I writhed on the couch, not knowing why I felt like this. I ended up taking a shower at around 4:45am, like my sixth or so of the night because the hot water felt good on the stomach. The pain slowly started to recede after the shower and after I ate a little something. It was enough so that at around 5:15am, I finally fell asleep. It was one of the worst nights of my life, guaranteed. Only one other time have I felt this bad this year, and I ate Woodstock's on that day too. Coincidence?
Anyway, this unbearable night that saw me get about 5 hours of sleep had no real epiphanies (except for maybe not to eat Italian and Indian food in the same day), or no real lessons learned. Except that I Love Love my friends. It sounds cliche, I know, but it was my friends who kept sending me encouraging texts, informing me that they were praying for me, my friends who stayed up late with me, trying to determine why I was in such pain, and my friends who will ultimately read this. I Love you all. Now I need to go finish making the cookies I started yesterday before all this happens.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody

Fatigued, Imperfect, Hectic Beauty

IV was beautiful this weekend. Friday was probably the most ideal weather you could ask for. Warm, sunny and an area right next to the beach on a friday. Everyone was outside enjoying it in one way or another. It was literally crazy how perfect the weather was. The next day IV showed what else it had to offer weather wise by throwing out a foggy, misty saturday, completely unlike the day that had preceded it. It was really nice just in a completely different way. Sunday was a unique combination of the two of them, creating yet a third type of weather. All of it was undeniably beautiful, the way only IV can put fourth. People were outside, the critters were amok, and classes were a thing of the recent past.
However, I was also abnormally tired throughout this weekend. It was the most tired I've been in a quarter and a half. For some reason, maybe the perfect weather just sapped my strength, or maybe I just had too many nights filled with not enough sleep, but it culminated in an hour and a half nap on sunday because of my extreme fatigue. My eyes felt so good when closed.
Despite all of that I noticed an interesting phenomenon this past week: imperfection. I had been in a sort of haze, I suppose, a good haze wherein I have been completely enamored with my community. My community of beautiful sophomores whom I love so much have for a half a quarter appeared to me as perfect. This week changed my perception and I started to see their glaring imperfections, including my own. I started to see that it was not all as I had perceived it. For whatever the reason, it definitely means that I am falling more in Love with them. I just Love them so much, with my heavily fatigued, unbelievably hectic, imperfect love. I still see them as having such great beauty and Love them more than I knew I was capable of, but I have almost humanized them in one sense or another. I guess at periods past in my life I would have considered this a negative epiphany, but at this point I consider it as beneficial. Only my God is perfect and Loves me perfectly. These sophomores love me imperfectly, and I find them so beautiful because of it.
Treats of the week: made several batches of the oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies. I also made peanut-butter banana chocolate-chip muffins that were quite good from what I hear.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody