Teleology: Attitude and Purpose

There are two facts that have become apparent to me about humanity-we are teleological in our purpose, and we all love to think of ourselves as Kings. In some sense everyone does have a Kingdom-the influence people have, how people spend their time, energy, and resources, are all evidences of a person's given kingdom. So in some sense, we are all Kings of a kingdom, whether that kingdom is a tiny, just self kingdom, or whether it is much more far reaching than that. Ironically though, we also all worship.
That is our teleology, or our purpose. I think that having a view of humanity that is not a teleological view is silly, we clearly have a purpose; we do not exist simply to exist. And I believe that we were all created to worship. Every single person was created with the expressed and specific purpose to praise, with our lives and all of who we are, we were created to bring praise. Specifically, we were created to bring praise to a King, King Jesus. All of creation was created for Him, to honor and praise Him.
However, these two truths combined leaves us with an ironic dichotomy. We are all kings, all created to worship something, so naturally we tend to focus that praise inwardly, as one would think. However, that is emptiness, or at least results in it. So, we deceptively turn our praise outward. I say deceptively because we do it only with the intention of acquiring more praise for ourselves. We worship and praise education in order to feel smarter than others, or perhaps to get a good job to be richer than others. You see, a by-product of thinking of ourselves as kings is that we are prideful, and to emphasize my point on worship, I remind you of what C. S. Lewis says about pride in Mere Christianity: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man... It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.” In other words, we like to think that we our better than other people, since we indeed think that we are kings. However, we are pretty frivolous and petty kings. We as kings care about the most trivial, unimportant, silly things and thus our kingship is frivolous. Even the most important king, take one who is actually king for example, will have his kingdom crumble upon death. We try and gain more worship and praise for ourselves by tricking ourselves. We think that we are so much better off than others, and pride loves comparison, we worship ourselves internally. And as I said earlier, this leads to more emptiness, nothing else. Our own praise is vain, which transitions me to what the Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians. He says to do nothing out of "vain conceit" or "selfish ambition." What then are we to do things for or out of? Paul answers that in the next sentence and in doing so gives us the solution to the emptiness that comes from exalting our own kingdom.
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." in that one verse, found in the second chapter of Philippians, Paul gives us the solution. He reminds us to take the focus, take the worship off of our own kingdoms, and put it all on one that will last. But you must understand the absurdity and transcendental profundity of Pual's sentence. Paul here is saying that your attitude should be the same as that of a being for whom all of creation was created to worship, and even though creation refused to do so, He came off of His throne to die for them. Jesus, forewent His glory for the sake of wretches who hated Him. Paul implores us to have the same attitude, with all of the wonder of the sacrifice of a King coming off of His throne to live among His creation.
That is the solution; that is what we must do as well. We must leave our thrones for the sake of bringing Christ greater glory, and bringing the focus on Him and on others, not on us. That is wondrous, and that is what our attitude, our purpose, should be.
~Good Luck and Good Eats.

Psalm 86

"You seem pensive," said my good friend to me as he drove me home from a BBQ. It was then that I divulged to him what was going on in my head over the past day. Please, allow me to back this post up and begin it by saying that no matter what, my heart is rejoicing today. I have a God who is so much bigger than my situation and forever foresees each of my situations and always works for my good. If that is true, which I firmly believe that it is, I have no reason for anything by rejoicing. However, do not mistake what I am about to say either, these truths by no means mean that life is always going to be easy. On the contrary, it simply means that there is still reason to rejoice throughout the difficulty. And today I felt that difficulty as I viewed my bank account last night and saw a significantly lower amount, 15$ish, than I ever imagined I would have. Couple that with still having a swollen, sore ankle, having affections for a woman that I cannot now pursue, and not having a car to assist me in it all, and it feels like the deck is somewhat stacked against me right now. However, upon praying and processing it is the case that I realized the truths of Psalm 86. It is a psalm, a prayer, a song of David, and a beautiful one. Reading its truths and letting those truths wash over me did not make it better, but the reality that they spoke to me did. I have a God, slow to anger, abounding in Love and Faithfulness. I have a God who is unable to let me go, who will never leave nor forsake me. When I am with that King, the odds are forever in my favor. The most powerful God works for my good, the warrior King is protecting, providing for, and perfecting me. He will not let me see harm. His power is made perfect in weakness, which means this summer His power is going to be perfected over and over to me. He is the perfect, powerful King, and I have every reason to trust Him as He has proved Himself over and over. There is literally nothing I have to doubt, absolutely no reason. He is my best friend, my father, my groom, my savior, my King. I know that I can conquer every mountain, and I rest in that truth now. So, despite the realization of it seeming like the deck is stacked against me, I need not forget that I AM created the deck and the game. He has given me support meetings, encouraging. He has given me support, bountifully. He has taken me through every step of life throughout 22 years, this is simply one more. I Love my God. I also love the people He has put here in my life to Love and bless and me.

F-in Girls

I'm not sure that I will ever have a living experience quite like I did this past year. I lived in an apartment complex wherein I knew literally every other of the 32 neighbors that I had, and most all of them had similar world-view to what I have. I could write a blog about the overall experience, about the dudes that I shared my life with, about any of it really, and perhaps there will be time to get to that in a later post, but I woke up this morning and I knew that I had to write about the girls next door, because I missed them so.

What did I miss-so much! I will miss so much. I will miss the way that they took care of me when I needed it (like this week after I sprained my ankle) even despite my own stubbornness at times. I will miss being on my computer, knowing that they will walk by my door smiling and stopping to say hi and see genuinely how my life is. I will miss the forgiveness, so much, the forgiveness of my crudeness, my rudeness, the things I say that should never be uttered that come from a heart still in process. They forgave me of all of that. I will miss Chloe singing 'We're never ever getting back together' fall quarter and 'Oceans' incessantly spring quarter. I will miss 9 times out of ten Amanda saying no to playing basketball, but I will especially miss the 1 time she did every so often, all of those threes that she made. I will miss Samri always checking in to see if I was making something sweet, always requesting cobbler and reaffirming that none were as good as mine, which they're not. I will miss Katie locked out of her apartment, sitting in ours like a lost puppy. I will miss Katie in the same boat, support raising, being able to talk about it so closely. I will miss the beach bbqs, the constant dinners, spurred on by a random suggestion I had one night while we were making pizzas one night that lead to an admittedly awkward dinner as we did not know each other that well then. I will miss prank wars, all done in god fun and loving spirits. But most of all I will miss growth. These are girls that I have known for four years and have not had real relationships with until this year. Girls I only really knew about until this year. Girls that have finally allowed me to have relationships with women my own age and be able to see Christ in it and be able to experience so much grace in it. It was awkward going into their apartment fall quarter, as everybody else poured in over the year prior, and I felt awkward the moment I took that first step. But we grew, as neighbors, as friends, as eternal beings, and now I can, confidently, securely, assuredly, proudly, thankfully, graciously, lovingly, call them sisters. I will miss those neighbors of mine and how we grew together. I am a man who struggles to feel Loved. For much of the case this year, that was not my reality. Much of that was due to four women; I now understand why they are so loved. Because they Love.

What Now?

That is the question that I am left with upon graduating-what now? What now, now that people that I have lived with, even intertwined my life with over the past few years are just simply taken from my life? What now, now that what I have done since kindergarten, learn, I no longer have an outlet to do? What now, now that I have to continue to grow, continue to become the man that God envisioned when He was designing me, only in a much different setting? What now, now that I am called to live in and pursue a city that most people dare not enter again, mocking the very prospect? What now, now that I have worked for years for a sheet of paper? What is it now that makes me a more desirable candidate? What now, now that I was finally starting to hit my academic stride, GPA increasing, every professor this year able to call me by name? What now, now that my 'glory days' are behind me, the 'best four years of my life' a thing of the past? What now, now that life moves on inside and around me? What now, now that I come off of a year in which I was generally more tired than I ever have been before? What now, now that I can see my failures face-to-face, but feel totally and completely forgiven and free? What now, now that I forgo my summer break for the sake of support raising? This is my sentiment, one of where do I go now? What do I do? Whom do I pursue? What now? now that I sit in my living room, hobbled because of a sprained ankle, but, once again, as it has before, life goes on, not batting an eyelash? What now? What now? What now? What now, now that it feels like I am on just another summer break and will come back and be in classes next year, learning more about philosophers and world views? What now, now that friends, good friends, have moved on, are moving on, will move on? What now, now that The King has called me to stay, when everyone and everything tells me to go? What now, now that my only passions are Him and them and you? What now? What now? What now? What now, now that there is nobody to keep me accountable constantly, except my own self and the Holy Ghost? What do I do now? No more classes, where do I land? No more teachers, how do I find my way? No more instructors, from where do I receive my guidelines? And all of this comes rushing in, as I sit here, in an apartment that I am soon to vacate. I am forced to think, with tired eyes, hobbled, hungry, quiet, contemplative, graduated, trudging through the mud of post-graduation, trying to be the best man I can be, knowing that means losing as much of myself as possible, in order to gain as much of who I AM as possible, saying 'goodbyes,' but praying for 'hellos', all I have left is prayer. All I have left is prayer and trust in a God who has brought me through far, far worse and will do so again. I know that King. That is my King. That is my warrior King who fights for me. And after a four years that I leave a much different person than I entered in as, all I can do is pray and trust in a God who is so much bigger than me and knows exactly what I am doing. He knows exactly what He is doing. He directs my steps, and guides my path. Ultimately, in the end I am not left with reputation, memories, knowledge, a degree, a greater moral code, or anything the sort. I am left with a God, unchanging, never-leaving, always-forgiving, always kind, always loving, a God who will outshine the darkness, and heal the hurt, in my ankle, in my heart. One day, I will see Him face to face.

People: Colette Cabaniss

I'm a senior, my last quarter in college. There are a lot of people who have made a major impact in my life over the past four years and I want to make sure that I tell them how much I Love them. This space is for that, to tell people what I really think, how much I really Love them, while holding nothing back. I'm going to try and do two a day this quarter, making sure to get at least 100 people in. This post is about a youngin, Colette Cabaniss. Colette, when I first met you I think that it was at tea time last year and you certainly were new to everything. I did not know anything about you beyond you being Meredith's sister and I really did not know what to think of you. I was not totally enamored that you were at a male-dominated event. However, over last summer we moved into the plex together and I saw God take you to places that you had never been before. I saw you one night at the bottom of the stairs with tears in your eyes and I decided to stop and talk with you, and it marked the beginning of a very beautiful friendship that I cherish to this day. You were honest with me about what was going on in your heart, why you were crying, and what was weighing heavy on you. You let me into your life, and that is such a prerequisite for my friendship with someone. Since then you have been like a little sister to me, always there fore me when I need someone to talk with. It is clear, left without a doubt inside my mind, that you honestly Love me and that is something that I can be sure of. You have shown me what being friends with a younger sister in Christ really looks like and how I can be open with someone without fear, and seeing you even pursue me in times when I wanted to be open with you. You are also someone whom I could joke around with and that has been grace to, getting to make you laugh. Colette, you are someone who is so full of life and being around you so much this year has been just pure joy for me. You have pointed me towards Christ so much more than you know, in not only your words but your actions as well. I have seen you grow from someone who does not know Christ at all, to someone who is firmly grounded in Him and a woman of principles. I have known you for only about a year, but you have blessed me so much with you life and your time and even consistently caring about me and affirming me in the way that you have and as much as you have. I never hesitate to call you a sister, that is for certain because you have been like a surrogate little sister to me in the time that you have been here. I hope that I can continue to bless you in the similar fashion to how much you have blessed me. I pray that God continues to bless you in the way that I nor anybody else really can. I pray also that God continues to show you more and more parts of His heart and leads you by His Spirit to a way that will bring more glory to Jesus. Something that I have never told you: I feel like you have grown not just in Christ, but in maturity as well this year. It has been a delight to be a part of.