What Now?

That is the question that I am left with upon graduating-what now? What now, now that people that I have lived with, even intertwined my life with over the past few years are just simply taken from my life? What now, now that what I have done since kindergarten, learn, I no longer have an outlet to do? What now, now that I have to continue to grow, continue to become the man that God envisioned when He was designing me, only in a much different setting? What now, now that I am called to live in and pursue a city that most people dare not enter again, mocking the very prospect? What now, now that I have worked for years for a sheet of paper? What is it now that makes me a more desirable candidate? What now, now that I was finally starting to hit my academic stride, GPA increasing, every professor this year able to call me by name? What now, now that my 'glory days' are behind me, the 'best four years of my life' a thing of the past? What now, now that life moves on inside and around me? What now, now that I come off of a year in which I was generally more tired than I ever have been before? What now, now that I can see my failures face-to-face, but feel totally and completely forgiven and free? What now, now that I forgo my summer break for the sake of support raising? This is my sentiment, one of where do I go now? What do I do? Whom do I pursue? What now? now that I sit in my living room, hobbled because of a sprained ankle, but, once again, as it has before, life goes on, not batting an eyelash? What now? What now? What now? What now, now that it feels like I am on just another summer break and will come back and be in classes next year, learning more about philosophers and world views? What now, now that friends, good friends, have moved on, are moving on, will move on? What now, now that The King has called me to stay, when everyone and everything tells me to go? What now, now that my only passions are Him and them and you? What now? What now? What now? What now, now that there is nobody to keep me accountable constantly, except my own self and the Holy Ghost? What do I do now? No more classes, where do I land? No more teachers, how do I find my way? No more instructors, from where do I receive my guidelines? And all of this comes rushing in, as I sit here, in an apartment that I am soon to vacate. I am forced to think, with tired eyes, hobbled, hungry, quiet, contemplative, graduated, trudging through the mud of post-graduation, trying to be the best man I can be, knowing that means losing as much of myself as possible, in order to gain as much of who I AM as possible, saying 'goodbyes,' but praying for 'hellos', all I have left is prayer. All I have left is prayer and trust in a God who has brought me through far, far worse and will do so again. I know that King. That is my King. That is my warrior King who fights for me. And after a four years that I leave a much different person than I entered in as, all I can do is pray and trust in a God who is so much bigger than me and knows exactly what I am doing. He knows exactly what He is doing. He directs my steps, and guides my path. Ultimately, in the end I am not left with reputation, memories, knowledge, a degree, a greater moral code, or anything the sort. I am left with a God, unchanging, never-leaving, always-forgiving, always kind, always loving, a God who will outshine the darkness, and heal the hurt, in my ankle, in my heart. One day, I will see Him face to face.