The Sights and Sounds of Sufferings

It’s been an interesting weekend in good ole SB. For starters, it has been super gloomy weather, odd for somewhere wherein sunny is the dominant norm; we have our fog in the morning and in the evening, but that usually burns off. That is an appropriate backdrop for the story that will be unfolding as I type. Friday was my last day at K-Mart. I chose not to go in. It is bitter-SWEET, it is. It was a job that has been very good to me, and for my reasons for quitting, check my prior post. So, I go into this weekend dead set on spending time with people and really investing and pouring out in the ilk that God has called me to. Friday night we have a nice dinner, I bake with a good friend of mine, end the night with some prayer; it was real good. Saturday I started the day by playing basketball on the slippery courts outside. I took a hard fall on y side once, but overall there were not many injuries, and we remembered to pray between games, which was great. I did however manage to tweak my back while playing. I kind of felt it at first but played on because I was having a lot of fun. I got home and was immediately in intense back pain that seemed to get worse as the day went on; I was bedridden. There are not many days where I say that I would rather be doing homework, this is one of them. That same pain has persisted into today, though also changed, and so here I sit, unable to go to church, knowing that given a little time and rest, this pain will subside. That is not the suffering that I am referring to in the title of this post. I have chronicled well how God has blessed me with compassion that I am undeniably thankful for. Jesus was a man of staunch compassion, and although at times when I see injustice or people in pain and suffering it is literally painful, I would not trade that. This weekend I have had two friends (possibly more, though these are the ones I am aware of) that have been going through really intense emotional and spiritual sufferings. One has been going through this for a while, really ever since I’ve known him, whereas for this girl it is a flare-up of old sufferings. Whenever my friends suffer I try to console them, but more than that I try to point them towards God. One of the things I struggle with most is trying to fight the feeling that I am unable to help these people that I Love so much. I mean, I have so little to offer, other than what Jesus has given me. I try to point them towards Him, and at times it just seems to drag them further away. I feel inept right now, and I would, in a moment, trade some or all of the ease of my life if I could take on their sufferings and see them joyful. Because of my compassionate nature I literally feel their pain, but tack on to that the feeling that I am unable to really make a difference and the feeling that I am at some level partially responsible. Let me explain what I mean when I say that I feel partially responsible. In ethics there is a distinction between killing someone and letting them die. If you intently and purposely drown a young child almost everyone who is not a psychopath would say that you did something wrong. If you see someone drowning and do nothing to stop them when you are totally able to, most people would say, although there is some pushback to this, that although you are not held to be a murderer, you still did something morally reprehensible by not saving the drowning person. I am of this camp myself. That is the way that I feel in my present situation; although I did not cause this suffering in my friends, I am unable to abate it, and so I feel like it is still partially my fault. There is so much pain in this world, so many struggles that Jesus died for, and I see and feel them. I have another dear friend whose brother started cutting himself, a friend whose cousin is doing the same, a friend’s grandmother who has cancer, a friend who is struggling to make grades. What can I do about all of this, these things that I feel yet I barely have ties to? I trust that God did not cause these sufferings, but He will work them out for the good of those who Love Him. I trust with all I can trust with in that fact and as I lie here with a physical pain that prevents me from walking two steps without grimacing and wincing, I know that this pain will pass. I trust that for my friends as well. I know that God is bigger than this pain, that’s all I can know. I know He died for it, and as I see the sights and sounds of sufferings all around me, I just hope the sun comes out soon.

Quitting

I have not posted in a while, since around the time I was getting my job at K-Mart. This post is to explain why I'm quitting. Several people will probably not understand why I am quitting a job like the one I have. Let me explain to you why they are confused: I never have to work past 8pm, I am well-liked and the job is fairly easy and within biking distance, it pays over a dollar more than minimum, and I only have classes two days out of the week in total. And yet, here I am with a week left at this job. Do not get me wrong, K-Mart has been very good to me, allowing me to stay in SB during the summer and giving me extra money for ministry purposes. This job was admittedly a blessing from God, and I am the first to admit it. But there are other things that I value more than money, pretty much everything. This is I think the part where people get tripped up the most-this life is not about money, it's not. In fact, it's not about really anything that money can even get me, so I do not see the reason to strive for money. I've always felt that being rich is a crutch to not trusting God. Granted, there are rich people who still trust God, for sure, and many of them use their money very efficiently and very much the way that God wants them to. But for me, God is not calling me to be rich, I'm fairly certain. So the reason I quit my job is so that I have time to really invest in relationships. To be honest, I feel as though I have let a lot of good quality relationships in my life diminish, partly because of a lack of time, but partly because I have just gotten somewhat lazy relationally. Now granted, there is still a long way for me to go to understand relationships and how they work, but the bottom line is that I want true, genuine relationships in mu life more than any other earthly thing. This is what God is calling me to above and beyond K-mart: pursuing people and relationships hardcore. Like really running after them as best I know how, giving up all of my time and money and resources in the process. I want to be a man who gives over everything to others, and not for any other reason but so that God can be glorified through me. For that reason I want to be a man who is kind, encouraging, generous, loving, and a man around who and because of who people feel loved and feel totally comfortable opening up and confiding in. If all this if for my glory it will quickly fade away, as will my kingdom, but if I do this for God's glory, it will have eternal significance. These are desires I have had for the past four years, and maybe even beyond that, but I have always had an attitude that this is a place that God will take me to, whereas now I am in a place where I can act like this now, even though I am not perfect and I will fail, God will have grace to cover over those weaknesses and those failures. He is bigger than me. That is true, and the gospel is the only thing worth striving for. So, essentially my plan is to devote the 22+ hours that I am going to have free a week starting next Friday to people, giving over myself, pouring myself out like a drink. I will trust and rest in God to fill me up when I am poured out, but I will be striving to give each person in my life at least one real relationship. That is why I am quitting: I am too focused on eternity and on my home, I guess. ~Good Luck and Good Eats.

Divine Orchestration

It's been a while since I've posted. Let's just get past that, shall we? It's summer after all. Summer is about two weeks old for me now. If you asked me about a month ago, I would have told you that this summer was a fat unknown for me-no job, dwindling bank account, not quite sure where God had me or where I was going to live for the first couple weeks, not even really sure why God wanted me here instead of abroad like I preferred. However, I was praying and trusting God. I've come to understand that you cannot have one without the other; you cannot trust God without praying and you cannot pray without trusting God. I think not knowing is the best place to be though. It leaves room for God to work. So often I forget that God actually wants to work and provide in my life and make provisions for myself that leave no room for Him, and then he doesn't get as much glory. Thankfully, He has put me in a place where I can do nothing other than leave room for Him right now and in my life. So there I was, trusting and praying, knowing that God is faithful, analytically. People have said that God is a chessmaster, but that doesn't really do Him justice-I do not know many chess players who care about their pieces intimately and selflessly. But nonetheless The King and Author of my faith still leads me in the directions that He knows I need to go. It started with trying to find a job, praying heavily and applying a lot everyday while in school, and finally I got the precious e-mail informing me that I had an interview at K-Mart. God had provided, but in more ways than I knew at that time. The friendly lady who interviewed me, Shiela, is a follower of God also, and aside from two simple, customer-service questions my interview was pretty much entirely about God and church. God had palpably provided as well. As far as why He wants me here this summer-He let me know also. I was put in charge of prayer for summer cru, the Christ-centered campus group I'm part of, with my boy Freddy Hicks. I knew that we should add someone to our team, and miraculously God put the quite wonderful Noel Lee on both of our hearts without the other's knowledge. When we talked about potentials then, our choice was clear. God has orchestrated a team of faithful warriors out of three previously depraved sinners. Another instance of orchestration occurred when a day earlier I was walking to the beach to read my bible and a guy biked by looking at me. He approached me and told me he is a fourth-year student at SLO who has an internship in SB and is looking for Christ-centered community. I told him about Cru here and got his number and just a few days later Freddy, Ben, and I had dinner with him and he came to prayer. It's just amazing the way God has orchestrated everything perfectly, in His timing and plan to start this summer. It makes me very excited for the rest of this summer. I am super joyful right now, knowing that God is going to take this summer, a summer that cannot be used for my own glory because I am in such a place of ambiguity, and use it to maximize His glory. All this and I can feel God, The one true God, King and Creator, transforming me into the man whom He wants me to be: a selfless, loving, God-fearing, God-honoring, man, capable of leading, but who puts Love and prayer as a first priority. It's about to be an exciting ride. Next post: Wedding Cakes! ~Good Luck and Good Eats

Symptoms and Disease

I apologize once again that it has been so long since I've blogged. Right now I do not seem to have time, especially considering I'm working as a typist now so all of my free typing time goes to typing those or school papers. This quarter has been crazy already. To start with, I cannot believe that this is week 5 already. My word. I have a nice groove for days mon-thurs, but that does seem to make weeks stream by, and the funny thing is, it's only going to pick up faster, it's only going to get busier as this quarter goes along. I'm excited though-there are plenty of things for me to be excited for: I turn 21 in two days, the NBA playoffs have already started to plenty of action and drama, BotA will start to be a doozy, a movie I'm really very excited for I will be seeing thursday night (friday morning technically), and most of all, living another 5 weeks growing in the knowledge and living in the grace of my Lord. Speaking of, I have been learning a lot more about symptoms and disease lately, specifically of sin. I have been learning that most of our outward sins are not just sins, they are indications of deeper mindsets. For instance, lust is not just lust, it is an indication that we are not fully satisfied in God. Selfishness is not just selfishness, it is a lack of trust that God can and will provide for our needs. These outward sins are symptoms, which, as with physical diseases, suck, but are not the true heart of the problem. People with cancer do not just wish that their symptoms go away, but that their cancer itself goes away, otherwise the symptoms will inevitably return. Likewise, when we notice sins in our lives, outward sins like lusting a lot, or being very jealous, we should not only pray for those symptoms themselves, but also for the disease that is inevitably the cause of our sins. As the pastor at my church reminded us on Sunday, "Sin is not the pursuit of a bad thing, it is the pursuit of a good thing too much." Symptoms and disease. Something else I've realized is the power of not being anxious. Philippians says to not be anxious about anything but pray about everything, to just bring everything to God so that it is not all on our own shoulders. I have been trying to actively do this recently, trying to rely and trust in God so much, and when anxiousness does arise, I just take it right to God. Let me tell you, it is incredible. My heart and mind feel so guarded, in the best way, and there is a peace and a joy that erupt from this practice. It is not just the practice though, just saying words is nothing, but it is God who provides the peace, provides the joy, as a result of supremely trusting Him as a father. Man, I'm excited. IV Conversation Snippet of the week: There are always so many to choose from but this one probably goes to the girl driving the car who I heard say "Yeah, but my nipples are always hard." ~Good Luck and Good Eats

Easter Weekend

It's crazy here in IV right now. It would be difficult to find a more beautiful day, and at the same time so many out of towners are here for DelTopia, what remains of the once great FloatTopia. People are getting drunk in the afternoon, music is loud, girls are dressed highly inappropriately. In world news, it's Easter this weekend. I was going to write an Easter or Good Friday Post, but instead I will just re-post a poem written by a blogger that I am a big fan of that very well captures how I feel today:
Coming In Glory


Any god can be
strong
when strength is
what you have

Any can be
mighty
when might is
in your hand

gods in
our image
just
stronger
mighter

“Grant that we may sit –
one, right
one, left
in your glory.”

The request of us all
who want a god
in our image.

Only slightly embarrassed
to hear it has been
prepared for
others.

What God can be
weak
when weakness is
all we have?

What can be
broken
shamed
shunned
when that is
our story?

There He is
Our God
In His pain-full glory.
And there
one, right
one, left
those for whom
it was prepared.
~Good Luck and Good Eats

Pressing In

It's time to press in. For many of the residents of the no longer sleepy town of IV, it is time to press in, to school, to parties, to the business of crashing classes, biking to work, and trying to find time to eat. The first week of the new quarter always promises to be a hectic one for sure. This is no less true for me than for any. In the midst of a Monday, I crashed a class, had two other classes, baked O'Henry Bars, planned and lead a bible study, stopped by a surprise party for a friend, helped a friend find someone to move his bed, and went to talk to another person about logistics. All of that in a day, and do not misunderstand me, I am not complaining, I am celebrating, celebrating that people are back again, that a community is intact, and most of all, that a Savior Loves me.
For me, it is a different kind of pressing in. It is not pressing in to parties, to classes, to new majors, to prospective futures, to a girlfriend, none of that. It is pressing into God. I recently watched a sermon that I was introduced to by my dear friend Frisco. In it Dominic Balli, a popular Christian Reggae artist, talks of his story and where God is leading him. I resonated with the message of it overall, which was to press into God. God is analytically faithful; He cannot not be faithful or it would undo himself. His name is Faithful. Therefore if we press into Him, chase after Him vigorously with reckless, reckless abandon, never losing sight, then we will see new things and discover true life. It will not always be easy; it will not always mean having nice, modern amenities or clean clothes or new shoes or even meat. But it will mean purpose, something we all inherently seek and long for. Pressing into and trusting in God with all we have means purpose and true life. That is what I want. So I am purporting to press into God this quarter, not just to lean on Him, but to clutch Him, and not fall, to trust in His unfailing faithfulness. It won't be easy, but it is Life.
Treats of the week: The aforementioned O'Henry Bars, Crepe Cupcakes, Peanut butter hotfudge cupcakes, and caramelized pineapple cupcakes. I suppose you can say that I've been on a cupcake kick lately.
~Good Luck and Good Eats

A Return to the Blogosphere

I have been away. Not physically, but I obviously have not so much as posted a blog in over two months. For that I apologize. I have no good reason for why I have been so absent. If you must need a reason, chalk it up to laziness (which is coincidentally what I have given up for lent). Please, allow me to catch you up on some of the highlights for last quarter and try to point you to where I expect to be going.
Let's see, last quarter I got a new co-leader for my bible study, in which I saw three guys really bond together and grow. I applied for a summer project, but that will be mentioned below. I went to my first engagement party for one of my best friends which was a blast. I went to class after class and passed them all again, by the grace of God alone. I experienced new things, learned a lot, baked and cooked a ton of new things. I saw my Clippers go up, and down, and back up again. Boy, where the heck did ten weeks go? The quarter was not all rosy though; each quarter brings with it a new set of unique struggles and gentle ambiances. I got rejected by a girl that I care(d) for a lot. Twice. I went through a period where I felt unable to feel, as paradoxical as that sounds. I was under spiritual attack through most of it. However, God rescued from all of those things. He gave me two amazing weekends out of IV with people I Love. He taught me about my interests and my plans. I experienced so very much Grace. It was a quarter to be remembered that will no doubt blur into the rest as more quarters come streaming along.
I'm on Spring Break currently. It's a time to look ahead, without forgetting to enjoy the place that God has me in currently. I'm still not totally sure about summer, but I do feel like I have a clearer picture of where God wants me and I expect to know fully before this weekend is done. This quarter, this spring quarter, features so many unique opportunities that I look forward to so much: I'm taking another film class, science-fiction film. Avengers comes out, a movie I have been very much looking forward to, just two days after my birthday. I have been baking a ton, going through ingredients at astonishing rate (we're talking 20+ lbs. of flour in under 5 weeks). I get to live, for ten more weeks in IV this quarter. I get the opportunity to see how all of my BotA planning will pay off. And I get to see a community come alive once again. Yes, this quarter promises to be an exciting one, followed by a summer that will be growthful for all sorts of reasons. But through it all, the underlying theme is to trust God, with all of me. My theme verse for this next quarter is 1 Corinthians 10:24-"Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." That is what I want my life to be characterized by this quarter, a selfless, humble, God-centered yet others-serving approach. Stay tuned.
~Good Luck and Good Eats

How to be a Child

It's back to business in IV. I say that but most people would gladly come to this place, the beach and the people and all, even if it means getting back to business. Personally, I had a great break, caught to catch up with people not seen in many moons, but boy is it good to be back. I cannot explain all of the emotions that I experience the first week of any quarter-my mind races back and forth, shuffling through the classrooms in an attempt to find mine, I see faces, one after another after another of people my heart leaps for. I get to spend time individually and divide my time in my own mind of how to see and properly experience all of the wonder that these people bring me, each in their own way. All of that, while trying to sift out what God is telling me and trying to take time to stop and listen to my savior whilst catching up on basketball and crashing classes left and right. I need those times to just sit with my Father, listening and talking. Otherwise, I so easily feel overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all. Yeah, it is overwhelming, a dashing start to a quarter with only moments to stop and catch my breath.
The one thing that God has been showing me in all of this is how to be a child. I think last year I developed a strong desire to become a man, a MAN. This is a good thing, however I think that I, like many people, got so caught up with being an adult and trying to effectively be a man of God that I lost sight of what it really means to be a child of God. I have been thinking a lot about childhood this week and how a child wholeheartedly depends on his father, assuming he has a father and that the father is indeed a true man. The child will not cross the street without holding his father's hand, he will not stay up late without first informing his father, when he is in a conundrum and needs advice, he goes to his father, he trusts his father to provide for him without trying to constantly second-guess if there is a better way to act. All of this is very applicable to how my relationship with my heavenly father should be. I need to rely on Him, to provide, to make everything better, to watch me as I cross the street, to stop me from making dire mistakes while letting me make the ones that teach me greater lessons. I literally need to emulate the attitude of a child towards his father in order to learn more fully how to act towards mine, my Heavenly Father. It's only in this that I will learn more fully what a child of God is.
Treats of the week: Oreo-pudding cookies. Absolutely divine.
IV Peep of the week: Goes to the girl I met at traitor joe's who told me she had class the next day and then did not remember me when she sat right in front of me.
~Good Luck and Good Eats
Cody

Another Year Gone By

Well, it's official-the year is 2012. It feels weird even typing those words. The point of a new year is not simply to celebrate, to drunkenly enjoy the turning of another day, the point of a new year is to first be thankful. We must not forget to be utterly, humbly thankful for the way that God's grace has shaped our lives in the past year. God's grace has been everywhere in the past year, and has made a definite, tangible impact on my life. Secondly, the point of new years is an introspective one, an opportunity to take a look at past events and try to become a better, more cohesive person.
For me 2011 was an interesting year, to say the least. The beginning of it was winter quarter last year and the beginning of OLF. Ever since the start of 2011, I've allowed God to work within me more than at any other time, I have cared more about God's opinion than anybody else's opinion. I was more broke in 2011 than in any years recently prior to it, but also cared less than ever before. I declared a major, philosophy, and bogged down my schedule accordingly. I led three seperate bible studies, with three different people, all amazing in their own right. In 2011 I learned how to bake, and then I learned how to bake better. June of 2011 saw me galabanting off to Santa Monica to tell people about the greatest gift ever given and in the process watched the Dallas Mavericks decimate the Lakers and then dispatched the Heat in the NBA finals. I met one of my best friend Chris Radford and many people I got to know much better, a trend I most definitely hope continues in the next 365 days. I'll list some of the names of people whom I feeel have made an impact in my life that I did not know in 2010 or prior. Conner, Lindsey, Kenny, Angie, Jessica, Andrea, Keila, T-Crown, Andrew, and many otherr, I do not have close to enough time to name everyone, those are just the names currently in my head. Ultimately, 2011 was such a joyous year for me, and that can only be on account of me allowing God's Love to seep into more parts of my life. I definitely have more exciting times ahead in 2012, but I nonetheless will not readily forget the people or events that allowed me to have so much Joy and divine communtiy this past year. The older I get the more I love people, the more I love people, the more I love being alive and where I am. I am so thankful for Who God has made me into and how he continues to shape me, and use me to shape others. As well, I started this blog this past year, and I hope that you have enjoyed it as well, it will continue this year, undoutbedly.
Restaurant of the week: Fonda Don Chon's. A delicious mexican buffet. Probably the best type of buffet.
~Good Luck and Good Eats