Without Him

What will I do without him next year? We have woven our lives together for more than three years and I am at a loss for how to make up for this loss. He has loved me well, rebuked me well, and been a safe, open place for me to come to. He has helped pick me up after failures and has rejoiced with me through victories. He was always quick to ask what was on my heart, and more than that, there was perhaps nobody better at noticing when I was hiding something. We ate together, we laughed together, we lead together, and in the process he became a brother and a friend of the highest quality. There are other people I will miss, certainly, but he has been with me through so much these past four years, always been an ally, even when I treated him poorly. He reflected my God to me in the way that he acted, what he said to me, and how he encouraged me. I have written about him before, but there is saying that says, 'you do not know what you have until it is gone.' I know what I have in a friend like him, but likely will not truly understand until he is not there to come home to anymore, than it will really hit me. We each were placed, I believe into each others lives at crucial points and for crucial reasons. He is a man that I was able to love well, but I do not know, and I highly doubt, that I meant nearly as much to him as he did to me, and that reflects nothing more than the sheer volume of love that I felt from him. I searched for a friend like him for a long time, and when I delighted and thanked God for him and how often he prayed for me. This is a commemorative post, but as with much of the summer, it is a post about what is on my mind and my heart, and that is a man that I love so much.