I must have been getting too independent. Not of people, not of money, but of God. The last 5 days have, from a strictly worldly, not eternal perspective, been one of the worst weeks I have had. God has stripped my dependency on all things that are not Him and His perfection. Before I tell you, reader, all of what has happened, I want to remind you of 2 Corinthians 12. My weakness, according to Paul, is where God's glory shines brightest. He tells us to thank God for our weaknesses, so that God's power and perfection shine through. I want to encourage you also to listen to Beautiful Things by the band Gungor; God can use our messiness to make beautiful things.
That being said, the last 5 days have been a whirlwind. It started Saturday when I went to deposit my paychecks after work and saw that my account was at 313$ Below zero. It was the first time I had ever seen a negative sign in front of my bank account. It freaked me out a little bit, but I thanked God that I was getting paid and deposited the checks and moved on. I will be needing to raise some support, but the bottom line is that any dependency I had in money is gone. I have not felt poorer in my entire life, feeling like I literally have no money and yet trusting in God to do what He always has. That was Saturday evening. Sunday I had nobody to evangelize with based just on circumstances and happenstance. I ended up sitting on a bench and praying for people, but I did feel a little left out as I saw pair after pair walk by. Then I tried to organize a dinner excursion with my dear friend Radford and some others, and failed. Sunday God took away any dependency I had on people. I felt isolated socially because of circumstance and other social attacks. I felt like I had nowhere to go, and that sentiment has carried over somewhat into the week. Monday started off better, until I walked into my room and found a rather large crack across the screen of my laptop. I have no money to fix it and indeed even now I type this on a laptop that has hundreds of dead pixels. Good took away my dependency on anything material, reminding me that my laptop and anything else I have, any reputation, is just a tool to serve Him better. Tuesday was the grand finale. Having all of this in mind, I did what I do to clear my mind, played basketball. Only this time I twisted my good ankle and it swelled to tennis ball sized. Not only did God lastly strip my dependency on even my own body, but also on my own intuition. I couldn't work today even after finding out that I really, desperately need to. I was, and still am, in so much pain, and can do nothing of myself to fix it. Now it is Wednesday, and I am sitting in my room, typing this up, listening to the joy and laughter outside, unable to join in because of the pain, feeling completely stripped, naked, empty. And yet, somehow, strangely, it is a good thing. Right now I understand that there is nothing that I can rely on beyond my God. Money, materials, friends, even my own body will all fall away, they have. Now I am left with the one thing that remains, my God and King, and I trust Him more now that I have perhaps ever before. So, from an earthly perspective, yeah, I've had a pretty terrible week. But from an eternal perspective, I am excited.
In closing I would like to leave you with some lyrics from David Crowder's Light and Shadow song that really exemplifies what I am going feeling right now.
When all seems lost
When we're thrown
and we're tossed
We remember the cost
We rest in the
Shadow of the cross.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody
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