2 Steps Forward, X Steps back

I think that I am in an existential mood. I've been thinking a lot recently, about relationships, both with God and with people. Buty told me a quote once that resonates with me a lot: "Comparison is the thief of joy." I think it is so true and a lot fo the comparisons I make only result in a breakdown of joy. Truth be told, I think I do altogether too much comparing. I do not really know why I've been thinking so much about relationships recently, but I have been. I Love people, undoubtedly so. However, I am also infuriated that people have such short relationship memories. People do not remember pleasant times for very long and thus I am constantly afflicted by the sentiment that I need to serve people in order to be their friends or hang out with people constantly lest they lose interest in me or no longer desire deep friendship. These are some seriously sinful, sinful thoughts, but they plague me pretty constantly.
It has lead me to this view of relationships that is admittedly pretty negative: the notion that it always seems like I am taking two steps forward in relationships only to take 1, 2, or even 3 steps back. Sometimes it seems like I'm going forwards in my friendships, other times I get so frustrated that they are not progressing that it seems like they are stagnating, or worse, going backwards. It is the worst thing in the world for me to think that I constantly have to impress people or serve people in order that people would continue to love me and that I cannot just chill with people, just recline at the table, like Jesus did. These thoughts plague me, and I am trying to rid myself of it, trying to befriend only consistent people who are intent on Loving me, making me feel like I can just relax and that friendships are no pressure situations. I do not want my relationships to regress, but sometimes it seems as if that is the destiny of many of them, and it makes me want to punch a wall.
Project has been great, but it has also been frustrating in that I feel like the friendships I made near the beginning of project, or the ones I strengthened, are now eroding as people are losing interest and moving on to more novel relationships. I do not want to feel like this. I want to feel as though I am Loved, as though these Santa Monica project people Love me simply because Christ did as well. I have trouble seeing that though and now it just has me twisted into a knot in my stomach, thinking that I do not Love people enough to keep friendships going or get into people's lives the way that other people do with each other. More comparison, more joy pressure vacuum. At the same time, I feel as though there are only certain people I can come to with it because it is a somewhat not important struggle. We'll see what happens in the next month, as new friendships appear, and old ones take one new legs. Ultimately I just hope people do not forget where we have been with each other; we have experienced so much growth and only continue to grow. Please God, may I not feel paralyzed.
Good Luck and Good Eats
~Cody