Ruminate: to think deeply.
May: the current month. A month which, despite being less than half-way through, has been quite a doozy so far. I think it prudent for me to take some time to post some of my thoughts. This might be a one-time post, I may do more, depends primarily on if my passion changes. Honestly though, I have been looking for a passion that is going to get me back into blogging. Disclaimer before I start-these ruminations are not meant to change anything or even necessarily meant to arrive at some sort of conclusion or destination. They are deep thoughts, maybe about me, maybe about life, or perhaps both.
The beginning of May was my birthday during which several of my housemates and a few close friends took me down to LA to one of my favorite places to eat and just enjoyed the day with me (as well as buying me a brand-new computer on which I now type). It was really a great time and all that I want out of any birthday is just to spend it with people who are close to me, regardless of what we are doing. It did help me to realize how utterly loved I am and, and without it being my intention to sound smug here, rightfully so. I do not think that I am better than anybody, but it is true that in relationships you get out what you put in. Now, if nobody had done anything for me birthday, it would have been of little consequence to me; but the fact that they did something and tried to tailor it to my liking and were very intentional about it, that showed me they care. I have made it my business, crusade even, to show people that I care for them, at least those that I do. I have tried do be above reproach in my relationships and give as much as I can to them. This comes at a sacrifice, but a sacrifice that I am always willing to make. I am willing to pursue and push when others are not in the habit of doing so, to try to love in small ways that I know how to in an attempt to show others that relationships and people are so vitally important. I am starting to drag on, and that is not my intention. I do not at all mean to puff myself up. Only to say that as somebody who often struggles to feel love from others and loved from others, my birthday was entirely refreshing. Now, I am not saying that people do not love me, they always and often do, but to get such a practical helping of that all in one day is like receiving a message with an exclamation point on it.
Relationships are important is what I am trying to say. Put the effort in because it is worth it, not so that you get great gifts on your birthday, but so that the love between you and others is real, tangible, practical, and secure. Do not wait for others to love you, love and love and love and love, and if you do not see others returning, consider putting your efforts elsewhere or think about the worthwhileness of your endeavors. Nevertheless, dive into relationships with all of the energy that you can.
However, I have found this May that the exception to the rule: 'you get out of relationships what you put in' is in long-distance relationships. Most people are pretty terrible at long-distance relationships because humans are out-of-sight, out-of-mind creatures. I again try to be above reproach in this and be actually good at staying in contact with people. If you want to know how this is possible, contact me privately, because there are systems that can be set up. (As an aside, the importance of systems in my life is paramount. I would not be able to do everything that I desire to without systems and the discipline to stick thereto with anything more than fantasized efficiency). It is often frustrating to call and text and call and receive no reply. But my response is to continue because every time a conversation does pop up it is so refreshing. I choose friends carefully and so I want to keep the ones that I may not have the benefit of being in close geographical proximity to, again with much effort and repetition involved. But often in long-distance friendships even if I in everything that I can, I may not get out much if the other person is not giving much. There is always a part of the conversation which transpires as "I have been terrible at keeping in contact with people lately." I have chosen to forgive this, and I assure you, if you are friends with quality people (even if they happen to be quality people who are not good at keeping in contact whether close or far) the effort is worth it.
Let me just summarize by saying this: this post was not meant to pump me up. I am 24 years old now and I do not need to pump myself up on the internet. It would even be foolish to do so because I have not even measured up to my own standard and there is still a lifetime of growth ahead of me in this and I am very aware of my shortcomings. I am not the bees-knees. It is to say that I am very thankful for the plethora of quality relationships that I have been gifted with in my life, but calling them a gift may be misleading to the reader (assuming that there is one besides the author) because they only exist after much effort. You get out what you put in...mostly.
On the lighter side:
I finished Surprised by Joy by C. S. Lewis. I very much enjoyed it. He is a master logician and one of the most thorough and well thought-out thinkers of the past 100 years. It was enthralling to get an insight into the events and mindsets that aided in developing such a mind. His imagination and learnedness was on full-display and I would highly recommend getting the insight into the mind of a master thinker and story-teller, even if you do not believe what he believes.
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