I have been blessed with an abundance of relationships, and I know it. I have great relationships, and even my casual friends I would do anything for. But make no mistake about it, I put the effort in to make these possible, at least the vast majority of them. True, some of these other people put good work into our relationship as well and those are the ones who have ended up the most beautiful at all (and indeed the ones that I am perhaps the most thankful for), but besides for those exceptions, the vast majority or my relationships I have been the one putting the vast majority of work into. Most of the time I do not mind as I make a point in my life to invest in relationships-to be constantly forming new ones, to spend time with my good friends, to talk with those who I am incredibly close with. But over the past maybe eight months there is a realization that I have come to: I do not have the time anymore. I work about 30 hours a week and I do not have the time to invest in relationships as I would like to. Additionally, I have realized how much it takes for the relationships that I do have and so I have invested further into those.
To exemplify this point, I liken it to music-as my music taste has grown, I have expanded the amount of songs that I love, and there are always more songs coming out. Sadly, I do not have time to listen to all of these songs anymore; I have to sacrifice certain songs for a long period and not listen to them. It is not that I have lost my love for these songs, there are just a lot of songs I want to invest in. And people take up far more time than people, and I value people far more than music.
That is how ti goes in relationships. There are some I just have to put on the backburner for a time But the reality is that there does not have to be. I started off saying that I put in most of the work, and that is not to brag or to somehow exemplify myself above people. Frankly, I still do not think that I do that great of a job at investing in relationships and loving those around me. But, there are people who put very little effort into their relationship with me. If they changed that, then our relationship would never go on the back burner because I am so appreciative of when people put time into me, I inevitably put forth effort as well. So, I guess the point of all of this is to say two things:
One, that I am so very thankful for the rich relationships that I have. I am glad that being only 23, I will only get better at understanding how to pursue people more, how to purusepeople better, more efficiently, and how to love people well. But everytime someone tells me that they love me or are thankful for me I am so glad about it, not because I have insecurities such that I need to be told, but because I know that my efforts are paying off. I am so thankful for relationships.
Secondly, its to say that I am sorry. If you are reading this and feel that I have neglected our relationship, then I apologize. Just as with music, it is not that I love you any less, it is simply that I have to spend my time wisely. Pursue me, and you will be pursued in return, that much I can guarantee you. I try to show my love in other ways, weather it be an encouraging text message or a video I make for you, but understand that I love you and this is just the reality. But it does not have to be.
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