A 7-year chapter of my life has come to a close. I have moved out of Isla Vista, a place that I called home for 7 years. I have been very emotional through this experience, and I am not sure how to react. Walking through the tired, worn-down, empty Isla Vista has had its effect on me. I have lived for my entire adult live in IV, and everything that I have done as an adult, the decisions that I have made, have been in IV. IV has shaped me and as I leave it, I feel that I am leaving a part of me with it. I think that I remember the relationships that I developed, many of which have since faded, and the experiences that those relationships wrought. It is intimidating, harrowing even, to face a new, extremely unknown chapter of my life, and yet it is necessary now. I cannot stay in IV any longer; I stretched it and wrung all of the juice out of it, and now I move on. But how? IV is covered with ghosts of my past and people that I once loved. I have prayed countless words over IV, cried so many tears, laughed uncontrollably, wanted to run and hide, learned to cook, got my driver's license, saw multiple generations of students pass through, felt the deepest emotion and the entire spectrum of emotion, felt no emotion, experienced bleak loneliness, experienced the utter joy of being alone, felt deeply loved, felt deeply neglected, grew out my beard for the first time, changed my haircut for the first time, got my first real job, got a college diploma, baked wedding cakes, walked every square inch of UCSB and IV, felt heartbreak, tragedy, and loss, baptized people, mentored people, discipled people, felt the depths of failure, learned who I am so much more, developed who I am so much more, gained friends and family, lost friends and family. And through all of this, IV was there, like a constant friend.
It is hard to leave, but, like I said, necessary. The greatest thing that I take away (and there are many) is that I can wade through this next chapter of my life confidently. Going in I had no idea what to make of college, and even less idea how to traverse life after, and yet the gentle guiding hand of God was with me, leading me through the high grasses. And now here I am, examining my past, trying to make sense of who I am. Isla Vista will always be a part of me, and not because I spent four years partying and I love to party, but because I spent 7 years maturing and becoming man, growing and changing with the businesses and streets around me. That seemed to be the constant in my life those seven years: God and change. I am scared now as I experience emotions and thoughts that I have not in many years, but I am confident as well, loved deeply by an infinite creator God whom I know in very different ways than when I first met Him. But I think that Isla Vista for me will always have a place in my heart because it is the place where I first got to know that God well. Just as so many relationships in my life now, I cultivated the relationship that I have with God through long walks in IV, through seeking throughout the streets, through doing life with Him. IV enabled me to do that uniquely in a way that no other place has. I feel it. There is an emotion that I feel at times, and it would not be inappropriate for me to call that emotion 'Isla Vista.' In many ways it is a conglomeration of 7 years worth of experiences crammed into one little lightning bolt that hits my heart from time to time and leaves me as quickly as it came.
In what has become one of my favorite books of all time, C. S. Lewis (who has become one of my favorite authors of all time) writes this about joy: "[Joy] must be sharply distinguished both from Happiness and Pleasure. Joy (in my sense) has indeed one characteristic, and one only, in common with them; the fact that anyone who has experienced it will want it again … I doubt whether anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the world. But then Joy is never in our power and Pleasure often is.” When I think of Isla Vista and the seven years that I lived there (and honestly, if I allowed myself to properly simmer in the thoughts of that place, I could easily be taken captive and wind up writing an entire book. There are far too many places and feelings associated with that chapter of my life to be able to condense or list them all) I think of joy. I think that IV may be the place that I first experienced the type of joy that Lewis talks about (and if you, reader, would like a better understanding of the joy that I am talking about, read Surprised by Joy) outside of an experience that I link it to from my childhood, and I have experienced it too many times to remember in Isla Vista. The fact is, Joy like this is not necessarily pleasurable, that is the point. I do not feel pleasure at leaving IV, I feel sadness, regret, missed opportunity, and a touch of loneliness. Yet, I cannot connote these feelings as negative; they are deeply positive and thus I declare them joy. For it is in leaving IV that I see the effect that this place had in making me who I am and of using what was already there, taking the raw materials that this boy came in with, and shaping them into a man.
And now I step boldly into uncharted waters. I will react to these waters as much as they are reacting to me, just as Isla Vista has reacted to me. I mourn for it, and it mourns for me. And yet, ultimately one of the reasons that I know that it is time for me to leave is because I have felt a feeling of completeness. I feel that I have done what was set before me to do there. I have impacted so many lives, and that is what makes it so hard to leave. And yet, it is time. This feeling of completeness accompanies a feeling of wishing that I could be back in the thick of it-4 or so years in, loving Isla Vista and the people there because I knew my purpose there so well. And yet that purpose is done, and I am thankful that it is so. I know longer could do the same things that I did there. All things are being made new, and I am content with what I have done there.
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Sunday, June 12, 2016
How to Mourn Amidst Tragedy
I apologize in advance for the title of this post-it may lead you to believe that I have an answer to this question. I can firmly tell you that I do not. What happened last night in Orlando, FL (the worst shooting in American history, which is saying something, at a gay nightclub in which 50 people died and more were injured) is an abomination, but unfortunately and with great sadness, not uncommon. True, we have never seen anything on that scale but mass shootings in this country and this broken world happen all too frequently, and every time that they do I find myself faced with the same question-how do you mourn? If you are of the family members of those who were lost, how do you handle it? Can you possibly take the condolences and the prayers and the nice-sounding words and sentiments and internalize them and squeeze some hope out of them? It does not alleviate the reality. It does not change the fact that love has been taken away, at some level. Tragedy. How does anybody possibly deal with it.
I am not here to offer a solution. True, I have lived through a tragedy (The Isla Vista shooting of 2014 in which more than 5 were killed and more injured) and I saw a community mourn and advance from that. But even in that, I have no solace to offer because I do believe that it differs in any and every situation. As a religious man I can point to a God who has things under control despite the chaos and who will ultimately work things in this hurting world out, but that might mean nothing to you. As somebody who believes staunchly in the power of community I can point to how communities and countries come together during tragedy, but that also might not do much for you. And if they do not, that's fine. I offer nothing.
But I offer everything. I will listen to anybody who has gone through some thing of that nature. I will sit with them in silence if they need be; I will hug and not let go for as long as it takes. We need to rethink things in this country, not just gun laws, but our own hearts. What a year it has been between the biggest mockery of an election to a litany of gun violence to intense racial tension. We need to examine the values of our culture and its current trajectory and ask ourselves difficult questions about where our hearts are at. And then make necessary changes. Discussion will go on for a week or two about this and then sadly something will come along to take it all out of our minds. We cannot let them happen. But these are lofty goals that it takes lifetimes and generations to accomplish. In the meantime, it is imperative that we treat each other with humanity-that we try to understand not just the plight of those afflicted, but the plight of any who have less. We need to love each other well. If you believe in prayer, actually pray, with all of the fervency and zeal with which you pray for your most passionate requests. If you believe in the power of hope and love then hope, and love.
These all sound like concepts, and we must begin with those. But sit with each other. Do not be afraid of awkwardness or of intimacy extended to those who have lost. Empathize and take some time out of your schedule to think deeply of those around you who are suffering every day. There is no easy solution, no simple explanation of extremely complex and intricate problems and tragedies. But there are steps. There are ways to be with people in the hope that if nothing else, presence, will make pain more bearable. And that is what we have to hope for-not to take pain away, because pain of loss is permanent. But to lessen, to bring joy and laughter back, to help people move on, but at their own time. Think well and be considerate. Nobody is evil, just deeply hurting.
I am not here to offer a solution. True, I have lived through a tragedy (The Isla Vista shooting of 2014 in which more than 5 were killed and more injured) and I saw a community mourn and advance from that. But even in that, I have no solace to offer because I do believe that it differs in any and every situation. As a religious man I can point to a God who has things under control despite the chaos and who will ultimately work things in this hurting world out, but that might mean nothing to you. As somebody who believes staunchly in the power of community I can point to how communities and countries come together during tragedy, but that also might not do much for you. And if they do not, that's fine. I offer nothing.
But I offer everything. I will listen to anybody who has gone through some thing of that nature. I will sit with them in silence if they need be; I will hug and not let go for as long as it takes. We need to rethink things in this country, not just gun laws, but our own hearts. What a year it has been between the biggest mockery of an election to a litany of gun violence to intense racial tension. We need to examine the values of our culture and its current trajectory and ask ourselves difficult questions about where our hearts are at. And then make necessary changes. Discussion will go on for a week or two about this and then sadly something will come along to take it all out of our minds. We cannot let them happen. But these are lofty goals that it takes lifetimes and generations to accomplish. In the meantime, it is imperative that we treat each other with humanity-that we try to understand not just the plight of those afflicted, but the plight of any who have less. We need to love each other well. If you believe in prayer, actually pray, with all of the fervency and zeal with which you pray for your most passionate requests. If you believe in the power of hope and love then hope, and love.
These all sound like concepts, and we must begin with those. But sit with each other. Do not be afraid of awkwardness or of intimacy extended to those who have lost. Empathize and take some time out of your schedule to think deeply of those around you who are suffering every day. There is no easy solution, no simple explanation of extremely complex and intricate problems and tragedies. But there are steps. There are ways to be with people in the hope that if nothing else, presence, will make pain more bearable. And that is what we have to hope for-not to take pain away, because pain of loss is permanent. But to lessen, to bring joy and laughter back, to help people move on, but at their own time. Think well and be considerate. Nobody is evil, just deeply hurting.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Pretending to be an Adult
Last night I said to my roommate the following sentence: "Man, I have so many errands to run and I owe so many people money. Is this what being an adult feels like?"
And with that it hit me: I am an adult. I work a job from 8-5 everyday, I have insurance payments and bills, and by just about every other standard of adulthood (with the exception of perhaps the most obvious, being the head of a family) I am firmly entrenched in that quite odd phenomenon of post-adolescence. Although, I am only 25 and it does not always feel like I am an adult. By this I mean that although I am one by external measures, I think that the measure that is perhaps simultaneously neglected and utterly necessary is that of the process of becoming an adult. That is something that you cannot cheat-you cannot really wake up one day and realize that you have struggled and given advice and felt deep pain and exuberant joy and been controlled by rage and fitted with logic, that you have made difficult decisions and wrestled with the moral consequences of your actions. These and more are intricate parts of becoming an adult, and I think that without this struggle, part of it is lost. In other words, an essential part of adulthood is the process of becoming an adult.
So, when I say that sometimes I feel like I am merely pretending to be an adult, like somehow I was able to sneak into the club without anybody noticing in and nobody has kicked me out yet. It is a difficult feeling to explain. One day you feel like a teenager, able to rage all night and make late-night taco bell runs (not that there is a single thing wrong with those) and seemingly the next day you are going to sleep at 9:30 looking at adolescence in the rear-view mirror. Adulthood is ill-defined in our current culture leading a friend of mine recently to comment to me that he is tired of being a 'kadult'. And maybe it is that word that best describes the way that I feel-trying to understand who I am and merely directing my own trajectory in the right direction and hoping that I come out of it resembling that great men that I grew up admiring.
But I know that I am not there yet; the 'k' is still at the front of that word and as old and even at times out-dated I often feel, I do not have wrinkles or grey hair. I have not experienced the loss of a child, there are still many markers that point to the underside of adulthood for me. So, it often does feel like I am cheating. I guess that that is a part of learning how to drop the 'k'. Becoming not my parents, but hopefully greater, not privy to the same mistakes. Mistakes are a part of who I am, and necessarily so. I cannot cheat.
Sometimes it feels like I am pretending to be an adult. But the process is part of the man.
And with that it hit me: I am an adult. I work a job from 8-5 everyday, I have insurance payments and bills, and by just about every other standard of adulthood (with the exception of perhaps the most obvious, being the head of a family) I am firmly entrenched in that quite odd phenomenon of post-adolescence. Although, I am only 25 and it does not always feel like I am an adult. By this I mean that although I am one by external measures, I think that the measure that is perhaps simultaneously neglected and utterly necessary is that of the process of becoming an adult. That is something that you cannot cheat-you cannot really wake up one day and realize that you have struggled and given advice and felt deep pain and exuberant joy and been controlled by rage and fitted with logic, that you have made difficult decisions and wrestled with the moral consequences of your actions. These and more are intricate parts of becoming an adult, and I think that without this struggle, part of it is lost. In other words, an essential part of adulthood is the process of becoming an adult.
So, when I say that sometimes I feel like I am merely pretending to be an adult, like somehow I was able to sneak into the club without anybody noticing in and nobody has kicked me out yet. It is a difficult feeling to explain. One day you feel like a teenager, able to rage all night and make late-night taco bell runs (not that there is a single thing wrong with those) and seemingly the next day you are going to sleep at 9:30 looking at adolescence in the rear-view mirror. Adulthood is ill-defined in our current culture leading a friend of mine recently to comment to me that he is tired of being a 'kadult'. And maybe it is that word that best describes the way that I feel-trying to understand who I am and merely directing my own trajectory in the right direction and hoping that I come out of it resembling that great men that I grew up admiring.
But I know that I am not there yet; the 'k' is still at the front of that word and as old and even at times out-dated I often feel, I do not have wrinkles or grey hair. I have not experienced the loss of a child, there are still many markers that point to the underside of adulthood for me. So, it often does feel like I am cheating. I guess that that is a part of learning how to drop the 'k'. Becoming not my parents, but hopefully greater, not privy to the same mistakes. Mistakes are a part of who I am, and necessarily so. I cannot cheat.
Sometimes it feels like I am pretending to be an adult. But the process is part of the man.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Unpopular Opinion: Identity
Unpopular opinion: you are not 'ok' just the way you are.
It is all over culture-bumper stickers that read 'born ok the first time', facebook statuses that read 'just me doin' me', and things like that. The culture narrative these days has become 'you are ok just the way you are.' It is a poisonous ideology that pervades our culture and makes room for all sorts of evil. It sounds harmless, and perhaps even good. Somebody just be alright with who they are, and should not seek to change. But that is a relatively new ideology that has major consequences. It is prudent for us to constantly seek to be changing, always for the better. When we make allowances and compromises for things that are seen as evil under the guise of not offending, it distorts what is seen as normal. Even the word 'normal' has come to be seen as almost a negative in our society, when the word 'normal' has traditionally just meant what is good and right. In our society of no 'normals' there are also no 'goods' or right. Perhaps I am not explaining my point well enough. We need not think that everything that a person can be is fine, and we do not. Most people would agree that the 'radical' things like pedophilia and psychopathy are evils which are detrimental to the well being of our society and culture. However, because we have permitted so many other things that used to be seen as sexual perversions and moral ills, we have negated a culture of 'fixing' yourself and weeding out those things within oneself which are negative. Do not get me wrong, I am not advocating for a universal personality, or even necessarily a morality wherein everyone follows exactly the same criteria all of the time (indeed, different situations call for different decisions), however, I am advocating for gravitating back towards a society wherein it is permissible and even healthy to align oneself with what is good and right. I know the next step is asking what is good and right, and I get that and that is a discussion that is utterly worth having. However, not everything that a person can be is good and this idea that one needn't try and ever better oneself is simply erroneous.
I know that this will receive some push-back and perhaps some do not even agree with me that this is a prevailing culture narrative. But when you look closely at the things that our culture longs and tempts you to believe, the idea that you are perfect just the way that you are is in there. And I know I am not perfect; I have so far to go, please let me be clear about that. However, I am open to change. I admit that part of who I am in not perfect and is unacceptable. Granted, there is grace in my failings. But I implore our culture to think likewise, to be utterly at peace with admitting that not everything a person is or can be is good, it's not. Much of what we desire (and what we desire and do plays a major part in us becoming who we are) is not good for ourselves or society and culture. That's ok to say. We need to restrict parts of ourselves; that is ok to say. Most of who we are is self-centered and apathetic towards the suffering going on around us. That is ok to say. What is not ok is to persist in those beliefs and practices when we as a society and a culture could be so much greater than we are. We are meant for great things if only we would admit that we are not good. We have a long way to go. This ideology combined with the previous one that I wrote about has our society headed in dangerous and unprecedented territory. We should stop and seriously consider that social ideologies that we buy into everyday.
You are not ok the way you are. Not everything you want is good. But now that you believe that, seek to be greater.
It is all over culture-bumper stickers that read 'born ok the first time', facebook statuses that read 'just me doin' me', and things like that. The culture narrative these days has become 'you are ok just the way you are.' It is a poisonous ideology that pervades our culture and makes room for all sorts of evil. It sounds harmless, and perhaps even good. Somebody just be alright with who they are, and should not seek to change. But that is a relatively new ideology that has major consequences. It is prudent for us to constantly seek to be changing, always for the better. When we make allowances and compromises for things that are seen as evil under the guise of not offending, it distorts what is seen as normal. Even the word 'normal' has come to be seen as almost a negative in our society, when the word 'normal' has traditionally just meant what is good and right. In our society of no 'normals' there are also no 'goods' or right. Perhaps I am not explaining my point well enough. We need not think that everything that a person can be is fine, and we do not. Most people would agree that the 'radical' things like pedophilia and psychopathy are evils which are detrimental to the well being of our society and culture. However, because we have permitted so many other things that used to be seen as sexual perversions and moral ills, we have negated a culture of 'fixing' yourself and weeding out those things within oneself which are negative. Do not get me wrong, I am not advocating for a universal personality, or even necessarily a morality wherein everyone follows exactly the same criteria all of the time (indeed, different situations call for different decisions), however, I am advocating for gravitating back towards a society wherein it is permissible and even healthy to align oneself with what is good and right. I know the next step is asking what is good and right, and I get that and that is a discussion that is utterly worth having. However, not everything that a person can be is good and this idea that one needn't try and ever better oneself is simply erroneous.
I know that this will receive some push-back and perhaps some do not even agree with me that this is a prevailing culture narrative. But when you look closely at the things that our culture longs and tempts you to believe, the idea that you are perfect just the way that you are is in there. And I know I am not perfect; I have so far to go, please let me be clear about that. However, I am open to change. I admit that part of who I am in not perfect and is unacceptable. Granted, there is grace in my failings. But I implore our culture to think likewise, to be utterly at peace with admitting that not everything a person is or can be is good, it's not. Much of what we desire (and what we desire and do plays a major part in us becoming who we are) is not good for ourselves or society and culture. That's ok to say. We need to restrict parts of ourselves; that is ok to say. Most of who we are is self-centered and apathetic towards the suffering going on around us. That is ok to say. What is not ok is to persist in those beliefs and practices when we as a society and a culture could be so much greater than we are. We are meant for great things if only we would admit that we are not good. We have a long way to go. This ideology combined with the previous one that I wrote about has our society headed in dangerous and unprecedented territory. We should stop and seriously consider that social ideologies that we buy into everyday.
You are not ok the way you are. Not everything you want is good. But now that you believe that, seek to be greater.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Unpopular Opinion: Desire
Unpopular opinion: What you want is not always good for you.
There is a strange paradox that guides modern western (specifically American culture). In a person's overall life, that person is taught that if he/she wants anything, it should just be taken, at any given time. However, the paradox lies that this is not good advice in nearly any specific area of a person's life. For instance, if I ask for health advice and somebody replies that I should just eat whatever I want whenever, that is quite terrible advice and it will lead to a litany of health problems. Additionally, if somebody asks me for relationship advice, and I reply that that person should just sleep with whomever he/she wants at any time, it probably will not go too well. However, the prevailing attitude of this culture is that if you want something, you should go out and get it. But desires are often adverse to what is good for a person. Discipline may be desired, but the things that cultivate discipline are rarely. Morality as an idea my be desired, but never if it gets in the way of more selfish wants. I heard a stat that 97% of people will exit out of a youtube video if it does not load within the first three seconds. There is a prevailing impatience within this culture, and a vastly negative consequence is that all of the good that having to wait does is undone by everything being at the ready. The internet allows for this in so many differing ways. But this attitude is so detrimental in so many differing ways. So much good in character is gained from the waiting, but ultimately strength in character, integrity, and patience have given way to personal pleasure and the mentality that what a person wants that person has the right to. Nothing could be further from the truth, but unfortunately another prevailing ideology is that there is no such thing as an objective moral reality. What is good for you is good for you and what is wrong for me is wrong for me. The entire satanic bible hinges on one phrase: "Do as thou wilt." Because ultimately, even the being who is seen as more evil than anybody else knows that this mentality does not create men and women of character. I look around and I see pleasure-obsessed people who are intent on doing whatever they want and it has created a society of people killing each other because they do not get their way. The scary thing, even as I type these words, is that most people will not even see this as wrong. They will continue to think that they for some strange reason have a right to whatever they desire, not understanding the long-term adverse affects that such a mentality has on their character. People today generally like ideologies more than realities. For instance, people like the idea of being moral more than actually applying virtue. And this type of mentality is sucking our society dry of morality. It is sucking our society dry of good people and good thinkers. Sure, we still have smart people, but I am talking about people who have the ability to think well because their patience has cultivated it. Realistically, if you look at so many of the tragedies that beset modern western culture, it comes from that one prevailing sentiment, "Do as thou wilt." And what a sentiment it is.
But I do think that just writing about the problem without writing about the solution is not helping anything. People need to be willing to work, and work hard, for that which they do not have but perhaps want, and what is more, it is incredibly vital that people understand that not everything that they want is healthy for them. In fact, I would say that much of what we want is at best, neutral. Very few things that we earnestly desire help the world in some practical or substantial way. Our best option is either to shift what we desire or be willing to lay aside our quest for what we desire in favor of what is right. We need to reassess how entirely vital virtue is, and seek to understand objectively what is right. We cannot think that we can just skate by, doing what we wilt and that everything will turn out right and good. People will be neglected. Rightness and justice will be strewn aside. Rather than doing what we wilt, we need to 'do what is right, regardless of what thou wilt or thou think.' So maybe getting drunk just because one wants is not the best option. Maybe taking the job with the best salary automatically may not be what is best objectively for the world.
It is fine with me if you do not agree. I do not think many people will agree; this is just one man's unpopular opinion.
There is a strange paradox that guides modern western (specifically American culture). In a person's overall life, that person is taught that if he/she wants anything, it should just be taken, at any given time. However, the paradox lies that this is not good advice in nearly any specific area of a person's life. For instance, if I ask for health advice and somebody replies that I should just eat whatever I want whenever, that is quite terrible advice and it will lead to a litany of health problems. Additionally, if somebody asks me for relationship advice, and I reply that that person should just sleep with whomever he/she wants at any time, it probably will not go too well. However, the prevailing attitude of this culture is that if you want something, you should go out and get it. But desires are often adverse to what is good for a person. Discipline may be desired, but the things that cultivate discipline are rarely. Morality as an idea my be desired, but never if it gets in the way of more selfish wants. I heard a stat that 97% of people will exit out of a youtube video if it does not load within the first three seconds. There is a prevailing impatience within this culture, and a vastly negative consequence is that all of the good that having to wait does is undone by everything being at the ready. The internet allows for this in so many differing ways. But this attitude is so detrimental in so many differing ways. So much good in character is gained from the waiting, but ultimately strength in character, integrity, and patience have given way to personal pleasure and the mentality that what a person wants that person has the right to. Nothing could be further from the truth, but unfortunately another prevailing ideology is that there is no such thing as an objective moral reality. What is good for you is good for you and what is wrong for me is wrong for me. The entire satanic bible hinges on one phrase: "Do as thou wilt." Because ultimately, even the being who is seen as more evil than anybody else knows that this mentality does not create men and women of character. I look around and I see pleasure-obsessed people who are intent on doing whatever they want and it has created a society of people killing each other because they do not get their way. The scary thing, even as I type these words, is that most people will not even see this as wrong. They will continue to think that they for some strange reason have a right to whatever they desire, not understanding the long-term adverse affects that such a mentality has on their character. People today generally like ideologies more than realities. For instance, people like the idea of being moral more than actually applying virtue. And this type of mentality is sucking our society dry of morality. It is sucking our society dry of good people and good thinkers. Sure, we still have smart people, but I am talking about people who have the ability to think well because their patience has cultivated it. Realistically, if you look at so many of the tragedies that beset modern western culture, it comes from that one prevailing sentiment, "Do as thou wilt." And what a sentiment it is.
But I do think that just writing about the problem without writing about the solution is not helping anything. People need to be willing to work, and work hard, for that which they do not have but perhaps want, and what is more, it is incredibly vital that people understand that not everything that they want is healthy for them. In fact, I would say that much of what we want is at best, neutral. Very few things that we earnestly desire help the world in some practical or substantial way. Our best option is either to shift what we desire or be willing to lay aside our quest for what we desire in favor of what is right. We need to reassess how entirely vital virtue is, and seek to understand objectively what is right. We cannot think that we can just skate by, doing what we wilt and that everything will turn out right and good. People will be neglected. Rightness and justice will be strewn aside. Rather than doing what we wilt, we need to 'do what is right, regardless of what thou wilt or thou think.' So maybe getting drunk just because one wants is not the best option. Maybe taking the job with the best salary automatically may not be what is best objectively for the world.
It is fine with me if you do not agree. I do not think many people will agree; this is just one man's unpopular opinion.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Unpopular Opinion: Tragedy
Unpopular Opinion: 'feeling bad' about a terrible tragedy does nothing to make it better, coding your facebook profile picture with the French Flag does not make anything better. What happened in Paris this past week was nothing short of horrendous, a terrible tragedy that is a black mark on humanity akin to evil. And we should have a visceral, even internally violent reaction to it; that shows our humanity. However, if it sops there, then nothing has changed. Additionally, sending 'good thoughts' to someone, does not really do anything either. I have been thinking about this for years, ever since poor Elliot Rodgers shot up Isla Vista. I saw a community come together in response, but really, what does that do. The claim could be made that any of these responses that I am calling out can create within someone a heart of greater compassion and empathy, or that they could spread awareness of the issue; I am open to these arguments. But that actually does cut to the truth of the matter: the tragedy is internal before it is ever external. Allow me to reiterate before I continue, what happened in Paris is a tragedy, a tragedy that cannot be reversed; unfortunately no tragedy can be reversed. But as a society it is imperative that we fix and repair what it is within us that creates this type of tragedy, and even more, offers little in terms of practical reactions. Look, it's not necessarily a bad thing to have these reactions, but it is not enough. Donating money to relief, praying for France (if you believe that prayer has affect beyond the words), calling your loved ones to make sure that their hearts are not thoroughly grieved, and most of all, removing ourselves from the fantasy worlds in which we too often chose to dwell in order to work on our society. There is much work that needs to be done, evidenced even by the selfish reactions to the tragedy, the 'me-centered' reactions. Our society has lost its code of ethics and its desire to come alongside those who are suffering and sacrifice, suffer ourselves, to make sure that their suffering does not last and that they are treated with light at the end of the tunnel. That is something that affects change. Our all too-often pitiful excuses for feeling bad, sending good-thoughts, or changing our facebook tragedies temporarily does not cut to the heart; their are ineffective.
Let me be clear about one thing: I am a hypocrite. I did and have been praying for France, (and I should be praying for ISIS) but I have not given money, I have not opened the much-needed social dialogue that needs to be opened to talk about what to do. I have not asked France what they need in their time of suffering. But I do want to open the dialogue. I do want to challenge our society to think through where we are at as a culture, a species even, that gun violence, racism, sexual slavery, selfishness, and gross income inequality not only exist but are prevalent. Honestly, we need to take time not only personally and individually, but socially on the micro and macro levels to discuss the changes that need to be made. These changes have to start in our hearts, inwardly. We need to get back to thinking how we can love each other, how we can care about each other. The mindset needs to change from 'what can I get from this person' to 'what can I sacrifice for this person.' We need to change our personal and our collective narratives. The technology in our society allows us to be more connected than ever before with people with whom we never would have had access to before. And it has not seemed to increase compassion and generosity, but rather beat these concepts down and suppressed them. It is a terrible fact of modern culture and life. It is on us. We cannot continue to attribute these tragedies to 'the other' whomever that may be, and play the role of the victim. I am not saying that the guilty party needn't be held responsible, they very much should in ever tragedy, but while we 'feel bad', 'send good thoughts', 'offer our condolences', and change our Facebook pictures, let us also try to love France, let us also examine our own hearts and see who we possess hate towards, let us also change the selfish course of our lives such that we are utterly considerate of the plights of those around us, near and far, and include them in our narratives. Rather than focusing on esoteric 'feelings', let us seek both short-term and long-term change.
Once one group is defeated, another will not cease to step up and take their place unless we begin to think long and hard, and it will be hard make no mistake, honest, critical self-examination always is, at our hearts in order to affect change for good. And then start to put those things into motion. Do not just make it words or feelings, but actions and attitudes of the heart. Sacrifice until it cuts you, give until it hurts you, love until you feel as if you have nothing left to give, and do not dare think of yourself so highly that you can justify hate. I am not saying that I possess all of the actions or that I do not have more work to do than anybody else, I do, but I am interested in actually affecting long-term change so that maybe my kids will not be so acquainted with the inane frequency of heart-wrenching tragedies as I am. We are flying upside down. Let's start to right the ship.
Let me be clear about one thing: I am a hypocrite. I did and have been praying for France, (and I should be praying for ISIS) but I have not given money, I have not opened the much-needed social dialogue that needs to be opened to talk about what to do. I have not asked France what they need in their time of suffering. But I do want to open the dialogue. I do want to challenge our society to think through where we are at as a culture, a species even, that gun violence, racism, sexual slavery, selfishness, and gross income inequality not only exist but are prevalent. Honestly, we need to take time not only personally and individually, but socially on the micro and macro levels to discuss the changes that need to be made. These changes have to start in our hearts, inwardly. We need to get back to thinking how we can love each other, how we can care about each other. The mindset needs to change from 'what can I get from this person' to 'what can I sacrifice for this person.' We need to change our personal and our collective narratives. The technology in our society allows us to be more connected than ever before with people with whom we never would have had access to before. And it has not seemed to increase compassion and generosity, but rather beat these concepts down and suppressed them. It is a terrible fact of modern culture and life. It is on us. We cannot continue to attribute these tragedies to 'the other' whomever that may be, and play the role of the victim. I am not saying that the guilty party needn't be held responsible, they very much should in ever tragedy, but while we 'feel bad', 'send good thoughts', 'offer our condolences', and change our Facebook pictures, let us also try to love France, let us also examine our own hearts and see who we possess hate towards, let us also change the selfish course of our lives such that we are utterly considerate of the plights of those around us, near and far, and include them in our narratives. Rather than focusing on esoteric 'feelings', let us seek both short-term and long-term change.
Once one group is defeated, another will not cease to step up and take their place unless we begin to think long and hard, and it will be hard make no mistake, honest, critical self-examination always is, at our hearts in order to affect change for good. And then start to put those things into motion. Do not just make it words or feelings, but actions and attitudes of the heart. Sacrifice until it cuts you, give until it hurts you, love until you feel as if you have nothing left to give, and do not dare think of yourself so highly that you can justify hate. I am not saying that I possess all of the actions or that I do not have more work to do than anybody else, I do, but I am interested in actually affecting long-term change so that maybe my kids will not be so acquainted with the inane frequency of heart-wrenching tragedies as I am. We are flying upside down. Let's start to right the ship.
Friday, July 10, 2015
People: Alex Markovich
I have been out of college for two years now. A lot of people have impacted me in those two years and I figure that it is high time that I start to tell them how they make me feel. I am focusing primarily on the people that I did not get a chance to thank in college but have left their imprint on me since. I have no target number to compete, but I need to inform people that they have loved. Considering that I have grown less emotional since college, this project does pose its problems; have grace on me please. This post is about a real man, Alex Markovich.
Alex, your role in my life cannot be underscored. I very much respect the man that you are. I have seen so many beautiful things about you, from the way that you hold to your principles to the way that you listen to people well. You are able to be silly with me but also discuss things that actually matter. At your core that is what you are, somebody who cares about real things, things that actually matter. Having you in my life, in my house inspires me to be a better man because you are a good man. I feel so comfortable with you and having met your parents, I can say that you come from good stock, and the apple has not fallen far from the tree. You think well Alex, and you are more well thought out than most other people that I have talked to. Not only so, but you are somebody who enjoys life and seeks to live it.
Alex, I am so thankful that we are friends. I do not think that I feel worthy to be your friend. You are working for a great life, and when I think of you, laziness is not something that comes to my mind. I have a tendency to be lazy and having you as a good friend helps to alleviate that. I think even more so, you are not a man who makes excuses; when you make a mistake you own up to it. You have loved me in certain ways that few others have, taking an interest in the things that I find interesting and the things that I like. (You read my story when nobody else would despite being in another continent. That is just one small example.) These things may not sound exceptional to you but that is just because it is merely the way that you think. To you, being a good man is the prerogative, and I appreciate you being a man of principle.
Alex, thanking you for loving me and being such a good friend in many different ways. I feel honored to be a part of your life.
Alex, I am so thankful that we are friends. I do not think that I feel worthy to be your friend. You are working for a great life, and when I think of you, laziness is not something that comes to my mind. I have a tendency to be lazy and having you as a good friend helps to alleviate that. I think even more so, you are not a man who makes excuses; when you make a mistake you own up to it. You have loved me in certain ways that few others have, taking an interest in the things that I find interesting and the things that I like. (You read my story when nobody else would despite being in another continent. That is just one small example.) These things may not sound exceptional to you but that is just because it is merely the way that you think. To you, being a good man is the prerogative, and I appreciate you being a man of principle.
Alex, thanking you for loving me and being such a good friend in many different ways. I feel honored to be a part of your life.
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