I know several people who are set to graduate in about a month. I would be remiss if I did not take some time to talk about what they mean to me. I have been so impacted by these kids, and I feel that it is high time to tell them. This post is about a man who is so much more than a voice-David Haynes.
David, you have been a constant source of joy to me over the past few years. You have such a diligence about you that I actually wish I had more of. Just seeing you, getting to spend time with and disciple you in how to draw closer to Christ, all the while getting to hang out with you has all contributed to a relationship that I am so thankful for. I have not been a perfect friend or discipler to you and I appreciate the grace that you have shown me in forgiving me of that and forging on. I love your laugh and your diligence in coming to both bible study and being patient in finding a time for discipleship over the past two years. I have seen the growth in you first hand, especially this year and it is so cool to see how vehemently you have pursued relationships this year. You are a man who walks lines so well-the line between Christian community and spending time with non-christians, the line between leader and humble servant, the line between friend and student. You have meant so much to people this year and I have seen you persevere through difficult times, even learning that you will be back here for summer after your fourth year. You are sassy when it is called for, but always loving and you have been a man who owns his weaknesses. You are bashful and I do believe that that is just an extension of your humility. Pride is not a word that I associate with you. Granted, it is a sin that we all struggle with, I see in you a commitment to selflessness and humility that I do not see in many others. It has been amazing as more people have complimented you and told you of the things which I now tell you to see you remain humble. I have completely loved all of the times we have just sat down to a meal together or gone and gotten boba during deltopia. You are also a great listener and I see that in your eyes as well as your reaction.
David, you have been an enormous blessing to me over the past few years, even as those around you have dropped out or burnt out on account of difficulty or increased 'business'. I encourage you to continue to remain humble, even as you pursue righteousness and sanctification. Life will only ever get more difficult and I am excited to see how God grows you to account for the challenge and I know that you are not a man who is going to shy away or back down, and I also encourage you to continue to take joy in the little things that you do. I love you, David.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Friday, May 9, 2014
Graduating...Trevor Crown
I know several people who are set to graduate in about a month. I would be remiss if I did not take some time to talk about what they mean to me. I have been so impacted by these kids, and I feel that it is high time to tell them. This post is about a future Gator and current friend, Trevor Crown.
Trevor,I have had the blessing of being friends with you since your freshman year. Since basically the first time that we spent time together we just got along and there has always been such an eclectic mix to our conversations. I have always been glad that I was a guiding force throughout your years at UCSB. You are going to go on to such great and wonderful things and I know that you left your imprint upon me. You once cried while talking about the impact that I had on your life, but truth be told you so deeply impacted me with your humor, your voice, your ability to include me and just what our friendship looked like. It was so nice to have someone that I could be deep or shallow with. It will sure be hard to be here without you next year, my boy. I still remember when you asked me to disciple you and I knew that we would only grow together after that. You have such a good spirit about you, and I encourage you to continue to admit your weaknesses and inadequacies as you have become much better at. I also remember vague answer Trevor and how I had to wear you down and encourage you to answer me directly and truthfully. But most of all I will remember the things that really make you Trevor-the spiritual network, the silly faces you would make toward me in bible study, the subtle ways that you love and care for the people around you, your crazy schedule, the way that you are good at keeping in contact with a large number of people. You are a friendship that I do not intend to lose, and I desire that you continue to change me and give me cause to think about the world differently. You are going to be successful but because of hard work and not because of natural ability, which you have in abundance. I could go on forever, really because the more I write the more beautiful I realize that our relationship actually is. I love you, Trev.
Trevor,I have had the blessing of being friends with you since your freshman year. Since basically the first time that we spent time together we just got along and there has always been such an eclectic mix to our conversations. I have always been glad that I was a guiding force throughout your years at UCSB. You are going to go on to such great and wonderful things and I know that you left your imprint upon me. You once cried while talking about the impact that I had on your life, but truth be told you so deeply impacted me with your humor, your voice, your ability to include me and just what our friendship looked like. It was so nice to have someone that I could be deep or shallow with. It will sure be hard to be here without you next year, my boy. I still remember when you asked me to disciple you and I knew that we would only grow together after that. You have such a good spirit about you, and I encourage you to continue to admit your weaknesses and inadequacies as you have become much better at. I also remember vague answer Trevor and how I had to wear you down and encourage you to answer me directly and truthfully. But most of all I will remember the things that really make you Trevor-the spiritual network, the silly faces you would make toward me in bible study, the subtle ways that you love and care for the people around you, your crazy schedule, the way that you are good at keeping in contact with a large number of people. You are a friendship that I do not intend to lose, and I desire that you continue to change me and give me cause to think about the world differently. You are going to be successful but because of hard work and not because of natural ability, which you have in abundance. I could go on forever, really because the more I write the more beautiful I realize that our relationship actually is. I love you, Trev.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Graduating...Jeff Felker
I know several people who are set to graduate in about a month. I would be remiss if I did not take some time to talk about what they mean to me. I have been so impacted by these kids, and I feel that it is high time to tell them. Starting with the Captain, The Burger Master, Jeff Felker.
Jeff, when I first met you is was at the starbucks' social your freshmen year and you were this young engineer. Since then I have seen you grow so much. You have struggled at times and at times been joyful, but God has steadily grown you. You are a man who has personally blessed me in more ways than I can count and I just want to take some time to thank you, Jeff. You have been a special type of friend to me for a long time, and it is amazing to me how easily people feel accepted and loved by you and the way that you go out of your way to love people is noticeable and worthy of emulation in my view. Your understanding of the gospel and the Kingdom of God has grown so much and you are more and more becoming a man who is unwilling to water down the gospel for anything or anyone and that very much excites me. I think that you will continue to do great even beyond college wherever you end up simply because I saw you rise to every occasion in college. Yes, there were times when you struggled and cried and we simply just had to watch the office because we were both sad, but you have used that and you know that you have used that. In addition to all of this, Jeff, you have always listened to me and been open with me, ever since I have known you. You have not only listened to the advice that I have given you, but just listened when I spoke as well.
Ultimately, I cannot thank you enough, Jeff for the man that you are and I want to tell you that I look up to you so much more than you know and consider you as better than me in so many areas. You are a great man who is great because God has made you great. Continue to pursue Christ even though it is so hard to do, and He will give you the desires of your heart and make those desires for Him. Continue to practice generosity , hospitality, and most importantly Love. I love you, Jeff.
Jeff, when I first met you is was at the starbucks' social your freshmen year and you were this young engineer. Since then I have seen you grow so much. You have struggled at times and at times been joyful, but God has steadily grown you. You are a man who has personally blessed me in more ways than I can count and I just want to take some time to thank you, Jeff. You have been a special type of friend to me for a long time, and it is amazing to me how easily people feel accepted and loved by you and the way that you go out of your way to love people is noticeable and worthy of emulation in my view. Your understanding of the gospel and the Kingdom of God has grown so much and you are more and more becoming a man who is unwilling to water down the gospel for anything or anyone and that very much excites me. I think that you will continue to do great even beyond college wherever you end up simply because I saw you rise to every occasion in college. Yes, there were times when you struggled and cried and we simply just had to watch the office because we were both sad, but you have used that and you know that you have used that. In addition to all of this, Jeff, you have always listened to me and been open with me, ever since I have known you. You have not only listened to the advice that I have given you, but just listened when I spoke as well.
Ultimately, I cannot thank you enough, Jeff for the man that you are and I want to tell you that I look up to you so much more than you know and consider you as better than me in so many areas. You are a great man who is great because God has made you great. Continue to pursue Christ even though it is so hard to do, and He will give you the desires of your heart and make those desires for Him. Continue to practice generosity , hospitality, and most importantly Love. I love you, Jeff.
Friday, May 2, 2014
23
I turn 23 today. I remind of this not to be celebrated, but to increase the ethos of the post that I am about to write and to give myself reason to pause and consider what I have learned over the past 12 months. I have made so many mistakes in that time-too many to count or name, really. But, I am so thankful that I have a King, a Father, who uses my mistakes, though they be many, to make me into that which He has already declared me to be (righteous). So, over the past 12 months, I have learned much, struggled, laughed-hard, thought thoughts that led to more thoughts to the point that I lost track of myself, cooked great food, started two jobs and quit one, and hopefully most of all, loved. So, please allow me take a moment to share what I have learned throughout the past year.
-I understand women less now than ever before. Understand what I mean by that: I mean that I can predict their actions, but only by predicting the most illogical course of undertaking, and to me, that makes no sense.
-God uses all of my mistakes. It is only I who makes them, but God uses each and every one of them, as said above. I reiterate this because if it were not true, I would have wasted so much of my past year.
-I am and will only be in more increasing measure as my life goes on, entirely frustrated with life's trivialities. Small talk, petty disagreements, bad food, complaints, poor stimuli-all of it is very frustrating to me and something that I merely tolerate, or at times outright disregard.
-I live like royalty, especially from the perspective of anyone born before 1950, outside of America. I have access to so much, and from those whom have been given much, much will be expected.
-Living like Jesus is hard, and it requires a lifetime to understand really what that means. It is complicated, yet simple, hard, yet easy, uncomfortable, yet enjoyable, restricting, yet freeing. It is something that requires action, choice, belief, and faith all in one. I have a responsibility to those who are the least.
-I live in a culture that is poisonous because it streams sex and violence to us in large quantities constantly. I and my fellow Americans, especially Californians, are given sex and violence so much that we have become desensitized to the perversion of it all. It is difficult and I desire that God purge me of the evil that media and culture have done to me.
-I think (most) people in general do not value each other really. They take relationships for granted, and I have come to notice even as I sit and toil, trying to develop quality relationships, more often than not people are content to pursue and invest in entirely those people whom it is easiest to do so in.
-Social stigmas are one of the ugliest facets of our culture. We have come up with loaded terms which we use to utterly dehumanize and devalue people. It is quite disgusting to me.
-Money is a merely instrumental good, nothing more. It's alluring offer of security, comfort, and joy is empty and it is only a stepping stone to further develop eternal things.
-Human relationships are of vital importance, but come up short when compared to the importance of a divine romance.
-People will show you that they love you in at times very small, insignificant ways. It is worthwhile to be able to ingest these and understand the intent behind them.
-I have many quality relationships in my life.
-My oft struggle to feel emotions is going to be a much longer and more difficult struggle than I though originally.
-Not having insecurities and living life to its most honest degree will inevitably lead to hurt.
-Everything, all of my motivations, my thoughts, my actions, my words, my desires, my values, if not wrapped up in Jesus, are not worth it. He must guide my thoughts for all good in me comes from Him and all evil within me comes from myself.
And finally,
-I am an extremely broken, imperfect person. I am so far from perfection and I am not the Loving, humble, gentle, passionate, intense, honest, pure, caring, kind, servant that I wish that I was and that I pray that I become. I at times neglect responsibilities or view them ambivalently and I am very aware of my own selfishness and how deep it is. I am so thankful that I have a Father who works these things out of me and forgives me in my weakness. "Lord Jesus, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner."
So, that about sums up the lessons I have taken away from the past 12 months. Do not get me wrong, there are many more, but these will suffice for now. I hope that there is something that sparks your interest here or at least gets you thinking.
~Good Luck and Good Eats
-I understand women less now than ever before. Understand what I mean by that: I mean that I can predict their actions, but only by predicting the most illogical course of undertaking, and to me, that makes no sense.
-God uses all of my mistakes. It is only I who makes them, but God uses each and every one of them, as said above. I reiterate this because if it were not true, I would have wasted so much of my past year.
-I am and will only be in more increasing measure as my life goes on, entirely frustrated with life's trivialities. Small talk, petty disagreements, bad food, complaints, poor stimuli-all of it is very frustrating to me and something that I merely tolerate, or at times outright disregard.
-I live like royalty, especially from the perspective of anyone born before 1950, outside of America. I have access to so much, and from those whom have been given much, much will be expected.
-Living like Jesus is hard, and it requires a lifetime to understand really what that means. It is complicated, yet simple, hard, yet easy, uncomfortable, yet enjoyable, restricting, yet freeing. It is something that requires action, choice, belief, and faith all in one. I have a responsibility to those who are the least.
-I live in a culture that is poisonous because it streams sex and violence to us in large quantities constantly. I and my fellow Americans, especially Californians, are given sex and violence so much that we have become desensitized to the perversion of it all. It is difficult and I desire that God purge me of the evil that media and culture have done to me.
-I think (most) people in general do not value each other really. They take relationships for granted, and I have come to notice even as I sit and toil, trying to develop quality relationships, more often than not people are content to pursue and invest in entirely those people whom it is easiest to do so in.
-Social stigmas are one of the ugliest facets of our culture. We have come up with loaded terms which we use to utterly dehumanize and devalue people. It is quite disgusting to me.
-Money is a merely instrumental good, nothing more. It's alluring offer of security, comfort, and joy is empty and it is only a stepping stone to further develop eternal things.
-Human relationships are of vital importance, but come up short when compared to the importance of a divine romance.
-People will show you that they love you in at times very small, insignificant ways. It is worthwhile to be able to ingest these and understand the intent behind them.
-I have many quality relationships in my life.
-My oft struggle to feel emotions is going to be a much longer and more difficult struggle than I though originally.
-Not having insecurities and living life to its most honest degree will inevitably lead to hurt.
-Everything, all of my motivations, my thoughts, my actions, my words, my desires, my values, if not wrapped up in Jesus, are not worth it. He must guide my thoughts for all good in me comes from Him and all evil within me comes from myself.
And finally,
-I am an extremely broken, imperfect person. I am so far from perfection and I am not the Loving, humble, gentle, passionate, intense, honest, pure, caring, kind, servant that I wish that I was and that I pray that I become. I at times neglect responsibilities or view them ambivalently and I am very aware of my own selfishness and how deep it is. I am so thankful that I have a Father who works these things out of me and forgives me in my weakness. "Lord Jesus, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner."
So, that about sums up the lessons I have taken away from the past 12 months. Do not get me wrong, there are many more, but these will suffice for now. I hope that there is something that sparks your interest here or at least gets you thinking.
~Good Luck and Good Eats
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Not of this World
Not of this World is a popular Christian brand. They make clothing, stickers, etc. The label is actually kind of neat, abbreviated with the letters 'NTW', with the cross on the 't' forming well, a cross. I have never really ruminated too thoroughly on what that phrase means until this week. Twice in the past month have I opened myself up to someone. I am a pretty transparent person and on each of these occasions I let the other person know my view on people, life, God, purpose, etc. The context was different in each situation-one relational and one professional, but the outcome was the same. In both of these situations the other person left abruptly, decided that she did not want anything to do with me or what I was promoting. Without any signs of foul play or distaste, a remarkably abrupt exit occurred to the point that me and others familiar with the story found ourselves asking, 'What?' One of these two people have faith and the other does not. One was attempting to get a job, the other was not, but still the same outcome and the only commonality (at least from what I can tell) was that I revealed who I am to each of these two. It was then, once this backdrop had come down that I was reminded of that phrase, 'Not of this World.'
I suppose, and am realizing more and more that that actually describes me pretty well. People are generally unprepared for who I am and that leaves them with confusion. The reality is that who I am is much different from what this world is, most notably with reference to my values, views on people, wealth, fortune, materials, poverty, riches, relationships, God, purpose, language, and education. I view these things much differently than the world does and I am no longer one to hide that fact (admittedly, I used to be). I have known this but it is only in the past week, across this bizarre backdrop that I realized how much this will affect my life. In relationships, I may have to find someone else not of this world for them to feel compatible with me. I resonate most with those people whom have similar views. Do not get me wrong, this is not a 'woe is me' post-I think that my views are actually better and I do not want to have views compatible with this world. I think the things that God advocates for are far greater, more worthwhile, and ultimately more fulfilling. However, even in small ways I am unique and unlike the world: I sit down in the shower, I keep tea bags in my breast pockets, I have a fascination with midgets. It is just striking, is what I am trying to get across, how different I am from the world around me, and how that will lead certain people to stray and even flee away from me. However, the people that I really want to surround myself with and the people that will build me up are people who will draw near to me because of this. I am not saying that I am better than others, just that my values and views are quite distinct and do not originate from this world. And I could not be happier about that.
Luke 16:15 "And he said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God."
I suppose, and am realizing more and more that that actually describes me pretty well. People are generally unprepared for who I am and that leaves them with confusion. The reality is that who I am is much different from what this world is, most notably with reference to my values, views on people, wealth, fortune, materials, poverty, riches, relationships, God, purpose, language, and education. I view these things much differently than the world does and I am no longer one to hide that fact (admittedly, I used to be). I have known this but it is only in the past week, across this bizarre backdrop that I realized how much this will affect my life. In relationships, I may have to find someone else not of this world for them to feel compatible with me. I resonate most with those people whom have similar views. Do not get me wrong, this is not a 'woe is me' post-I think that my views are actually better and I do not want to have views compatible with this world. I think the things that God advocates for are far greater, more worthwhile, and ultimately more fulfilling. However, even in small ways I am unique and unlike the world: I sit down in the shower, I keep tea bags in my breast pockets, I have a fascination with midgets. It is just striking, is what I am trying to get across, how different I am from the world around me, and how that will lead certain people to stray and even flee away from me. However, the people that I really want to surround myself with and the people that will build me up are people who will draw near to me because of this. I am not saying that I am better than others, just that my values and views are quite distinct and do not originate from this world. And I could not be happier about that.
Luke 16:15 "And he said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God."
Monday, February 24, 2014
Blessing and Burden
It has been a while since I have written anything on here. This is not because of a lack of interesting thoughts, but actually an overabundance such that I do not know where to start. However, I want to get back into using this to write my thoughts down because I am beginning to see how valuable my thoughts actually are.
Lately I have realized two things about myself; the first is that I am such a blessed man. One of the gifts that God has always given me is the ability to see my blessing more clearly and completely than others, partially because I am able to see my imperfections so astutely as well. I thank God for so many of his blessings-the little things like eyelashes, flushing toilets, and a bed to sleep on, as well as the large things like a job that I thrive in, a wealth of relationships, and the ability to live in beautiful Santa Barbara. All of these things are blessings. The simple fact is that I just have more than other people, and I know it. One of the consequences of realizing just how utterly blessed I am is that I desire to share that blessing, whether it be material, emotional, or just sitting and listening to someone (because the ability to listen and listen well is such a blessing). I no longer think of these blessings as just given for the benefit of me, but in order to spread the kingdom and make disciples as well. But I would implore anybody who does not consider themselves unbelievably blessed to sit down and analyze things like unlimited access to clean drinking water, food whenever it is desired, and good food at that, skin that regenerates when it is injured, a mind that is able to think and process these words. Gosh, what a depth of blessing!
The other thing that I have realized is that I feel so burdened by people. I have has a chance to pursue so many people over the past five years, and I find myself feeling so very burdened by them, but not in a negative way. By burdened I do not mean that this is a burden to me, I mean that I care so deeply about each one of them that I desire to see them and flourish and want to do whatever it takes to ensure that. But there are so many of these little ones. I love them all and it has become overwhelming to try and pray for and love each of them uniquely, intentionally, individually, and consistently. I just cannot do it, though I do try. Thus is my burden. That I long for each of their souls to know their creator and know Him well, and I want each of them to feel love and live their lives with purpose. The person that I can really empathize with is the apostle Paul who from his writings seemed to feel so burdened for all of the churches that he started and the people therein. I get that now. So many of these little ones I have pursued and met and formed relationships with and care about. It is a beautiful burden.
~Good Luck and Good Eats
Lately I have realized two things about myself; the first is that I am such a blessed man. One of the gifts that God has always given me is the ability to see my blessing more clearly and completely than others, partially because I am able to see my imperfections so astutely as well. I thank God for so many of his blessings-the little things like eyelashes, flushing toilets, and a bed to sleep on, as well as the large things like a job that I thrive in, a wealth of relationships, and the ability to live in beautiful Santa Barbara. All of these things are blessings. The simple fact is that I just have more than other people, and I know it. One of the consequences of realizing just how utterly blessed I am is that I desire to share that blessing, whether it be material, emotional, or just sitting and listening to someone (because the ability to listen and listen well is such a blessing). I no longer think of these blessings as just given for the benefit of me, but in order to spread the kingdom and make disciples as well. But I would implore anybody who does not consider themselves unbelievably blessed to sit down and analyze things like unlimited access to clean drinking water, food whenever it is desired, and good food at that, skin that regenerates when it is injured, a mind that is able to think and process these words. Gosh, what a depth of blessing!
The other thing that I have realized is that I feel so burdened by people. I have has a chance to pursue so many people over the past five years, and I find myself feeling so very burdened by them, but not in a negative way. By burdened I do not mean that this is a burden to me, I mean that I care so deeply about each one of them that I desire to see them and flourish and want to do whatever it takes to ensure that. But there are so many of these little ones. I love them all and it has become overwhelming to try and pray for and love each of them uniquely, intentionally, individually, and consistently. I just cannot do it, though I do try. Thus is my burden. That I long for each of their souls to know their creator and know Him well, and I want each of them to feel love and live their lives with purpose. The person that I can really empathize with is the apostle Paul who from his writings seemed to feel so burdened for all of the churches that he started and the people therein. I get that now. So many of these little ones I have pursued and met and formed relationships with and care about. It is a beautiful burden.
~Good Luck and Good Eats
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Summer's End
I started work this week. It is now October. Costco already has Christmas trees. All signs point to summer being increasingly a memory. But, I find it appropriate to sit down and take some time to think through what this summer did for me. So, here are my summer thoughts.
Feeling Unlike a Failure:
I set out this summer with the intention of raising support to intern with Cru at UCSB. It did not happen: my support did not fully come in and my God led me in a different direction. It's weird to think back on it as support raising now seems like such a distant memory, but believe it or not, despite not even getting halfway to my goal, I do not feel like a failure. I know that God brought me through the season through a very particular set of reasons, and I am so thankful that I did. I feel unlike a failure.
Why?:
That is a question that I was essentially forced to ponder this summer-why? Why would God take me through a season of support raising, only to inform me that interning was not what He had for me. Why did He not keep me in Santa Barabara so that I could get a job and make money? The answer is multi-fold. I did not realize that there were blatant parts of my heart that I was withholding from my Lord. Staying in SB, I never would have come to this realization, but it was in going to a city that I was not particularly fond of, forced to be always around people who did not think of me in the way people in SB do, without anyone daily keeping me accountable, going to a city where sin, not serving God was the norm, and the latter almost seemed foreign. It was in all of that that I realized I was not on fire for my King. No, my heart was actually rather far from Him, and it took a summer of confusion, difficult choices, perpetual sin, at times loneliness, and not really doing what I was supposed to to help me see it. Two months later I felt as though the sheath had been lifted from my eyes and I could really finally see what giving God all of me regardless of circumstance or situation looks like a lot better. I am still learning but I know much more what it looks like now. That is why.
New Friends:
It's odd, but one of the brightest spots about my summer was the acquisition of new friends. People that I did not expect but whom God nonetheless used to impact my life in such a huge way this summer. One in particular I call bloodbath (it's from a movie, not as creepy as it sounds). He became like a brother to me this summer, and I did not expect to find someone with whom I had so many of the same interests at with whom I thought so similarly. He reminded me of what mutually, intentionally pursuing someone looks like. I am honestly not sure if I will ever live with him again, but I nonetheless consider him a brother because of the intentionality with which he was my friend, even when our worldviews are so different. I miss him.
Oldies:
Another bright spot was a weekly prayer meeting that I went to at my church with about 7ish other elderly people to pray and intercede for people in the church together. I saw what it was to unquestionably believe on God and love Him and trust Him. To just take for granted, in the best way, His presence, faithfulness, and existence. Surrounded by young people who often have trouble believing it was very refreshing to pray with these pillars who prayed to a God they believed on like their own lives. I will miss that prayer meeting.
Straining Towards what is Ahead:
After a long, difficult, joyful summer my opinion of the definitions of 'good' and 'bad' have changed. It was only a bad summer in the sense that it was hard, but it was great in the sense that God taught me very important lessons. I have grown more over the past four months than over the previous 12, and it was through difficulty. Now, I am more joyful than I have been in a very long time, straining toward what God has in store for me in the coming months, ripe with anticipation and excitement. Traditional struggles are not for sure gone, but my mindset and attitude has completely changed in the best way. More updates to come soon.
Summer Thank-Yous:
Thank you to Sandra Parker for opening up your home to me and allowing me to stay there and feel very much part of the family. I appreciate it more than I could ever say.
Thank you to Mike Medieros for believing in me to the point of going out of your way to support me.
Thank you to Tyler French and Greg Leech for being one of the few peers I feel like I had this summer who pursued me and with whom I felt exceptionally comfortable.
Thank you Sarah Fullham for showing me through your blog what a ripe love for Jesus looks like.
Thank you to my sister Courtney for more than I could ever say. I love you.
Thank you to the many who enjoyed a meal or sat down and talked with me this summer-Eric S., J-Flo, Andy Martin, Mr. and Mrs. Leech, Rob Lee, and a few others.
Thank you to Lex Darko for always being generous and showing that you still care about me and my family.
And thank you to the readers of my blog through the summer, I hope that this post was a good wrap-up for you, and I ensure you that there is more to come.
~Good Luck and Good Eats
Feeling Unlike a Failure:
I set out this summer with the intention of raising support to intern with Cru at UCSB. It did not happen: my support did not fully come in and my God led me in a different direction. It's weird to think back on it as support raising now seems like such a distant memory, but believe it or not, despite not even getting halfway to my goal, I do not feel like a failure. I know that God brought me through the season through a very particular set of reasons, and I am so thankful that I did. I feel unlike a failure.
Why?:
That is a question that I was essentially forced to ponder this summer-why? Why would God take me through a season of support raising, only to inform me that interning was not what He had for me. Why did He not keep me in Santa Barabara so that I could get a job and make money? The answer is multi-fold. I did not realize that there were blatant parts of my heart that I was withholding from my Lord. Staying in SB, I never would have come to this realization, but it was in going to a city that I was not particularly fond of, forced to be always around people who did not think of me in the way people in SB do, without anyone daily keeping me accountable, going to a city where sin, not serving God was the norm, and the latter almost seemed foreign. It was in all of that that I realized I was not on fire for my King. No, my heart was actually rather far from Him, and it took a summer of confusion, difficult choices, perpetual sin, at times loneliness, and not really doing what I was supposed to to help me see it. Two months later I felt as though the sheath had been lifted from my eyes and I could really finally see what giving God all of me regardless of circumstance or situation looks like a lot better. I am still learning but I know much more what it looks like now. That is why.
New Friends:
It's odd, but one of the brightest spots about my summer was the acquisition of new friends. People that I did not expect but whom God nonetheless used to impact my life in such a huge way this summer. One in particular I call bloodbath (it's from a movie, not as creepy as it sounds). He became like a brother to me this summer, and I did not expect to find someone with whom I had so many of the same interests at with whom I thought so similarly. He reminded me of what mutually, intentionally pursuing someone looks like. I am honestly not sure if I will ever live with him again, but I nonetheless consider him a brother because of the intentionality with which he was my friend, even when our worldviews are so different. I miss him.
Oldies:
Another bright spot was a weekly prayer meeting that I went to at my church with about 7ish other elderly people to pray and intercede for people in the church together. I saw what it was to unquestionably believe on God and love Him and trust Him. To just take for granted, in the best way, His presence, faithfulness, and existence. Surrounded by young people who often have trouble believing it was very refreshing to pray with these pillars who prayed to a God they believed on like their own lives. I will miss that prayer meeting.
Straining Towards what is Ahead:
After a long, difficult, joyful summer my opinion of the definitions of 'good' and 'bad' have changed. It was only a bad summer in the sense that it was hard, but it was great in the sense that God taught me very important lessons. I have grown more over the past four months than over the previous 12, and it was through difficulty. Now, I am more joyful than I have been in a very long time, straining toward what God has in store for me in the coming months, ripe with anticipation and excitement. Traditional struggles are not for sure gone, but my mindset and attitude has completely changed in the best way. More updates to come soon.
Summer Thank-Yous:
Thank you to Sandra Parker for opening up your home to me and allowing me to stay there and feel very much part of the family. I appreciate it more than I could ever say.
Thank you to Mike Medieros for believing in me to the point of going out of your way to support me.
Thank you to Tyler French and Greg Leech for being one of the few peers I feel like I had this summer who pursued me and with whom I felt exceptionally comfortable.
Thank you Sarah Fullham for showing me through your blog what a ripe love for Jesus looks like.
Thank you to my sister Courtney for more than I could ever say. I love you.
Thank you to the many who enjoyed a meal or sat down and talked with me this summer-Eric S., J-Flo, Andy Martin, Mr. and Mrs. Leech, Rob Lee, and a few others.
Thank you to Lex Darko for always being generous and showing that you still care about me and my family.
And thank you to the readers of my blog through the summer, I hope that this post was a good wrap-up for you, and I ensure you that there is more to come.
~Good Luck and Good Eats
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