In the Books: Highlights and more of 2012

Today is the first day of 2013. It does feel a bit strange typing those words. And, as with most every new year, I find myself in a mood of recounting. So, here are some of the high and lowlights of the year that was for me and how these things affected. Disclaimer: I find that with many of these things people tend to write about the most recent happenings since those are the freshest on their minds. Although I will be touching upon the past couple months, I will be trying to hit the entirety of the year, so please bear with me. It makes sense to start where my year changes the most each of the past few years: the end of the school year. I moved out of my apartment on Abrego and into my new apartment on Madrid, though not right away. First I spent two weeks living on Sabado with my buds in a pretty sweet house. It was an interesting time just because it was so brief and I new it would be. I am exceptionally thankful that they gave me a place to stay when I needed one. My Abrego apartment was good, but not without its challenges. I had a few difficult months there but God, as always, was bigger than my own issues. I saw myself get exceptionally good grades last winter and spring, almost surprisingly so. Again, I have to give the credit to God. From Gardner to Baker: My summer saw me getting a modest job at K-Mart. Not ideal, but a blessing to help me pay the bills nonetheless. Within my first couple weeks there I got willingly transferred to the slow garden section. It was very much my style: not many customers or late nights. I spent most of my summer there. Additionally, in what was unarguably the busiest August of my month, I was a groomsmen in one wedding, went to another, and baked for both. I also went to both bachelor parties and was working virtually every other day of the month. It was crazy hectic and would not have been able to do it without what will be described below. I became a professional gardner and baker and got to celebrate with some good friends. Loved, so Amazing: I had what was in my opinion the best living situation of my life this past summer. For about two weeks in August I lived with five of the most loving men that I have ever known. Every day when I came home from work, every meal, every late-night discourse, every morning when I woke up, pretty much every moment when I woke up I felt Loved, uniquely, as I am, for who I am. And what's more, I Loved. I saw what was the clearest, crispest picture of what a Christ-centered, Christ-resembling community of my life and I very much cherished every moment I lived with those mighty men. There has been no greater image for me of pouring in to pour out. Unreachable: For about 4-5 months of this year I was without a phone and could only be reached by facebook or a note on the door. Looking back on it, the feeling of not having one seems like a distant memory now. I t was great, and I would definitely advise it. It was great not being encumbered in that way and just being free to do as I pleased, and it I believe it was necessary for the season and location I was in at the time. Uncle Cody: One of my favorite memories is more recent, when I got to spend an evening, night, and day at my brother's house, playing with my two nieces. It was the first amount of quality time I've gotten to enjoy with them since they became of talking age and it was so refreshing spending time with the two little ones. Plex Life: When I moved into my new apartment,I was one of 32 (more if you count the summer subleasers who lived there) attempting to live in a Christ-centered community. This complex (or plex for short) has been incredible; a hub of activity, many people I love, constantly developing relationships, people who love and serve my God all around me. I have absolutely loved living there and it has been so crucial for how I have grown. Which brings me to my final snippet. Growth: This is really more of a theme throughout my college years, but I think i saw it most directly in 2012. I visibly saw how God changed not only me, but the people and communities around me, often using me to do so. I am now able to see myself as a leader, where I was not before, I am able to be confident and bold where I was not before. God uses me to directly shape and grow 6 unique, strong warrior men. I saw a community take shape and grow into a beautiful place of refuge over the summer, as I had the sweet opportunity to lead prayer for Summer Cru and be intimately involved with it. It was one of the most amazing things of the year, seeing how God moved a community to make it sacrificially loving for each other. I saw God bring in he biggest class of freshmen UCSB has ever seen, and Real Life saw the fruits of that. I met many, legit guys, and some girls, this year, and feel confident leaving the movement into their more than capable hands. I guess you could say that 2012 was a year of good times and sanctification, a big word meaning God doing what He does: making me perfect. This is just a small glimpse of the year I had and the imperishable moments therein. If you would like to find out more, please, let's get tea. P. S. Going to try to be more active blogging next quarter. Definitely the biggest sin I struggled with over the year was laziness, and that is perhaps because I understand it the least. One way I believe to combat that is to be actively blogging, so I am trying to blog more next quarter. Keep me accountable please. ~Good Luck and Good Eats!

The Sights and Sounds of Sufferings

It’s been an interesting weekend in good ole SB. For starters, it has been super gloomy weather, odd for somewhere wherein sunny is the dominant norm; we have our fog in the morning and in the evening, but that usually burns off. That is an appropriate backdrop for the story that will be unfolding as I type. Friday was my last day at K-Mart. I chose not to go in. It is bitter-SWEET, it is. It was a job that has been very good to me, and for my reasons for quitting, check my prior post. So, I go into this weekend dead set on spending time with people and really investing and pouring out in the ilk that God has called me to. Friday night we have a nice dinner, I bake with a good friend of mine, end the night with some prayer; it was real good. Saturday I started the day by playing basketball on the slippery courts outside. I took a hard fall on y side once, but overall there were not many injuries, and we remembered to pray between games, which was great. I did however manage to tweak my back while playing. I kind of felt it at first but played on because I was having a lot of fun. I got home and was immediately in intense back pain that seemed to get worse as the day went on; I was bedridden. There are not many days where I say that I would rather be doing homework, this is one of them. That same pain has persisted into today, though also changed, and so here I sit, unable to go to church, knowing that given a little time and rest, this pain will subside. That is not the suffering that I am referring to in the title of this post. I have chronicled well how God has blessed me with compassion that I am undeniably thankful for. Jesus was a man of staunch compassion, and although at times when I see injustice or people in pain and suffering it is literally painful, I would not trade that. This weekend I have had two friends (possibly more, though these are the ones I am aware of) that have been going through really intense emotional and spiritual sufferings. One has been going through this for a while, really ever since I’ve known him, whereas for this girl it is a flare-up of old sufferings. Whenever my friends suffer I try to console them, but more than that I try to point them towards God. One of the things I struggle with most is trying to fight the feeling that I am unable to help these people that I Love so much. I mean, I have so little to offer, other than what Jesus has given me. I try to point them towards Him, and at times it just seems to drag them further away. I feel inept right now, and I would, in a moment, trade some or all of the ease of my life if I could take on their sufferings and see them joyful. Because of my compassionate nature I literally feel their pain, but tack on to that the feeling that I am unable to really make a difference and the feeling that I am at some level partially responsible. Let me explain what I mean when I say that I feel partially responsible. In ethics there is a distinction between killing someone and letting them die. If you intently and purposely drown a young child almost everyone who is not a psychopath would say that you did something wrong. If you see someone drowning and do nothing to stop them when you are totally able to, most people would say, although there is some pushback to this, that although you are not held to be a murderer, you still did something morally reprehensible by not saving the drowning person. I am of this camp myself. That is the way that I feel in my present situation; although I did not cause this suffering in my friends, I am unable to abate it, and so I feel like it is still partially my fault. There is so much pain in this world, so many struggles that Jesus died for, and I see and feel them. I have another dear friend whose brother started cutting himself, a friend whose cousin is doing the same, a friend’s grandmother who has cancer, a friend who is struggling to make grades. What can I do about all of this, these things that I feel yet I barely have ties to? I trust that God did not cause these sufferings, but He will work them out for the good of those who Love Him. I trust with all I can trust with in that fact and as I lie here with a physical pain that prevents me from walking two steps without grimacing and wincing, I know that this pain will pass. I trust that for my friends as well. I know that God is bigger than this pain, that’s all I can know. I know He died for it, and as I see the sights and sounds of sufferings all around me, I just hope the sun comes out soon.

Quitting

I have not posted in a while, since around the time I was getting my job at K-Mart. This post is to explain why I'm quitting. Several people will probably not understand why I am quitting a job like the one I have. Let me explain to you why they are confused: I never have to work past 8pm, I am well-liked and the job is fairly easy and within biking distance, it pays over a dollar more than minimum, and I only have classes two days out of the week in total. And yet, here I am with a week left at this job. Do not get me wrong, K-Mart has been very good to me, allowing me to stay in SB during the summer and giving me extra money for ministry purposes. This job was admittedly a blessing from God, and I am the first to admit it. But there are other things that I value more than money, pretty much everything. This is I think the part where people get tripped up the most-this life is not about money, it's not. In fact, it's not about really anything that money can even get me, so I do not see the reason to strive for money. I've always felt that being rich is a crutch to not trusting God. Granted, there are rich people who still trust God, for sure, and many of them use their money very efficiently and very much the way that God wants them to. But for me, God is not calling me to be rich, I'm fairly certain. So the reason I quit my job is so that I have time to really invest in relationships. To be honest, I feel as though I have let a lot of good quality relationships in my life diminish, partly because of a lack of time, but partly because I have just gotten somewhat lazy relationally. Now granted, there is still a long way for me to go to understand relationships and how they work, but the bottom line is that I want true, genuine relationships in mu life more than any other earthly thing. This is what God is calling me to above and beyond K-mart: pursuing people and relationships hardcore. Like really running after them as best I know how, giving up all of my time and money and resources in the process. I want to be a man who gives over everything to others, and not for any other reason but so that God can be glorified through me. For that reason I want to be a man who is kind, encouraging, generous, loving, and a man around who and because of who people feel loved and feel totally comfortable opening up and confiding in. If all this if for my glory it will quickly fade away, as will my kingdom, but if I do this for God's glory, it will have eternal significance. These are desires I have had for the past four years, and maybe even beyond that, but I have always had an attitude that this is a place that God will take me to, whereas now I am in a place where I can act like this now, even though I am not perfect and I will fail, God will have grace to cover over those weaknesses and those failures. He is bigger than me. That is true, and the gospel is the only thing worth striving for. So, essentially my plan is to devote the 22+ hours that I am going to have free a week starting next Friday to people, giving over myself, pouring myself out like a drink. I will trust and rest in God to fill me up when I am poured out, but I will be striving to give each person in my life at least one real relationship. That is why I am quitting: I am too focused on eternity and on my home, I guess. ~Good Luck and Good Eats.

Divine Orchestration

It's been a while since I've posted. Let's just get past that, shall we? It's summer after all. Summer is about two weeks old for me now. If you asked me about a month ago, I would have told you that this summer was a fat unknown for me-no job, dwindling bank account, not quite sure where God had me or where I was going to live for the first couple weeks, not even really sure why God wanted me here instead of abroad like I preferred. However, I was praying and trusting God. I've come to understand that you cannot have one without the other; you cannot trust God without praying and you cannot pray without trusting God. I think not knowing is the best place to be though. It leaves room for God to work. So often I forget that God actually wants to work and provide in my life and make provisions for myself that leave no room for Him, and then he doesn't get as much glory. Thankfully, He has put me in a place where I can do nothing other than leave room for Him right now and in my life. So there I was, trusting and praying, knowing that God is faithful, analytically. People have said that God is a chessmaster, but that doesn't really do Him justice-I do not know many chess players who care about their pieces intimately and selflessly. But nonetheless The King and Author of my faith still leads me in the directions that He knows I need to go. It started with trying to find a job, praying heavily and applying a lot everyday while in school, and finally I got the precious e-mail informing me that I had an interview at K-Mart. God had provided, but in more ways than I knew at that time. The friendly lady who interviewed me, Shiela, is a follower of God also, and aside from two simple, customer-service questions my interview was pretty much entirely about God and church. God had palpably provided as well. As far as why He wants me here this summer-He let me know also. I was put in charge of prayer for summer cru, the Christ-centered campus group I'm part of, with my boy Freddy Hicks. I knew that we should add someone to our team, and miraculously God put the quite wonderful Noel Lee on both of our hearts without the other's knowledge. When we talked about potentials then, our choice was clear. God has orchestrated a team of faithful warriors out of three previously depraved sinners. Another instance of orchestration occurred when a day earlier I was walking to the beach to read my bible and a guy biked by looking at me. He approached me and told me he is a fourth-year student at SLO who has an internship in SB and is looking for Christ-centered community. I told him about Cru here and got his number and just a few days later Freddy, Ben, and I had dinner with him and he came to prayer. It's just amazing the way God has orchestrated everything perfectly, in His timing and plan to start this summer. It makes me very excited for the rest of this summer. I am super joyful right now, knowing that God is going to take this summer, a summer that cannot be used for my own glory because I am in such a place of ambiguity, and use it to maximize His glory. All this and I can feel God, The one true God, King and Creator, transforming me into the man whom He wants me to be: a selfless, loving, God-fearing, God-honoring, man, capable of leading, but who puts Love and prayer as a first priority. It's about to be an exciting ride. Next post: Wedding Cakes! ~Good Luck and Good Eats

Symptoms and Disease

I apologize once again that it has been so long since I've blogged. Right now I do not seem to have time, especially considering I'm working as a typist now so all of my free typing time goes to typing those or school papers. This quarter has been crazy already. To start with, I cannot believe that this is week 5 already. My word. I have a nice groove for days mon-thurs, but that does seem to make weeks stream by, and the funny thing is, it's only going to pick up faster, it's only going to get busier as this quarter goes along. I'm excited though-there are plenty of things for me to be excited for: I turn 21 in two days, the NBA playoffs have already started to plenty of action and drama, BotA will start to be a doozy, a movie I'm really very excited for I will be seeing thursday night (friday morning technically), and most of all, living another 5 weeks growing in the knowledge and living in the grace of my Lord. Speaking of, I have been learning a lot more about symptoms and disease lately, specifically of sin. I have been learning that most of our outward sins are not just sins, they are indications of deeper mindsets. For instance, lust is not just lust, it is an indication that we are not fully satisfied in God. Selfishness is not just selfishness, it is a lack of trust that God can and will provide for our needs. These outward sins are symptoms, which, as with physical diseases, suck, but are not the true heart of the problem. People with cancer do not just wish that their symptoms go away, but that their cancer itself goes away, otherwise the symptoms will inevitably return. Likewise, when we notice sins in our lives, outward sins like lusting a lot, or being very jealous, we should not only pray for those symptoms themselves, but also for the disease that is inevitably the cause of our sins. As the pastor at my church reminded us on Sunday, "Sin is not the pursuit of a bad thing, it is the pursuit of a good thing too much." Symptoms and disease. Something else I've realized is the power of not being anxious. Philippians says to not be anxious about anything but pray about everything, to just bring everything to God so that it is not all on our own shoulders. I have been trying to actively do this recently, trying to rely and trust in God so much, and when anxiousness does arise, I just take it right to God. Let me tell you, it is incredible. My heart and mind feel so guarded, in the best way, and there is a peace and a joy that erupt from this practice. It is not just the practice though, just saying words is nothing, but it is God who provides the peace, provides the joy, as a result of supremely trusting Him as a father. Man, I'm excited. IV Conversation Snippet of the week: There are always so many to choose from but this one probably goes to the girl driving the car who I heard say "Yeah, but my nipples are always hard." ~Good Luck and Good Eats

Easter Weekend

It's crazy here in IV right now. It would be difficult to find a more beautiful day, and at the same time so many out of towners are here for DelTopia, what remains of the once great FloatTopia. People are getting drunk in the afternoon, music is loud, girls are dressed highly inappropriately. In world news, it's Easter this weekend. I was going to write an Easter or Good Friday Post, but instead I will just re-post a poem written by a blogger that I am a big fan of that very well captures how I feel today:
Coming In Glory


Any god can be
strong
when strength is
what you have

Any can be
mighty
when might is
in your hand

gods in
our image
just
stronger
mighter

“Grant that we may sit –
one, right
one, left
in your glory.”

The request of us all
who want a god
in our image.

Only slightly embarrassed
to hear it has been
prepared for
others.

What God can be
weak
when weakness is
all we have?

What can be
broken
shamed
shunned
when that is
our story?

There He is
Our God
In His pain-full glory.
And there
one, right
one, left
those for whom
it was prepared.
~Good Luck and Good Eats

Pressing In

It's time to press in. For many of the residents of the no longer sleepy town of IV, it is time to press in, to school, to parties, to the business of crashing classes, biking to work, and trying to find time to eat. The first week of the new quarter always promises to be a hectic one for sure. This is no less true for me than for any. In the midst of a Monday, I crashed a class, had two other classes, baked O'Henry Bars, planned and lead a bible study, stopped by a surprise party for a friend, helped a friend find someone to move his bed, and went to talk to another person about logistics. All of that in a day, and do not misunderstand me, I am not complaining, I am celebrating, celebrating that people are back again, that a community is intact, and most of all, that a Savior Loves me.
For me, it is a different kind of pressing in. It is not pressing in to parties, to classes, to new majors, to prospective futures, to a girlfriend, none of that. It is pressing into God. I recently watched a sermon that I was introduced to by my dear friend Frisco. In it Dominic Balli, a popular Christian Reggae artist, talks of his story and where God is leading him. I resonated with the message of it overall, which was to press into God. God is analytically faithful; He cannot not be faithful or it would undo himself. His name is Faithful. Therefore if we press into Him, chase after Him vigorously with reckless, reckless abandon, never losing sight, then we will see new things and discover true life. It will not always be easy; it will not always mean having nice, modern amenities or clean clothes or new shoes or even meat. But it will mean purpose, something we all inherently seek and long for. Pressing into and trusting in God with all we have means purpose and true life. That is what I want. So I am purporting to press into God this quarter, not just to lean on Him, but to clutch Him, and not fall, to trust in His unfailing faithfulness. It won't be easy, but it is Life.
Treats of the week: The aforementioned O'Henry Bars, Crepe Cupcakes, Peanut butter hotfudge cupcakes, and caramelized pineapple cupcakes. I suppose you can say that I've been on a cupcake kick lately.
~Good Luck and Good Eats